I was just bending down and reaching into the ginormous restaurant-grade refrigerator at work and I fell in. Really. I just FELL HEADFIRST INTO THE FRIDGE. Who does that? Apparently, I do.
Other than a red bump on my forehead (where it came into contact with one of the lovely industrial shelves) and MY PRIDE BEING BRUISED, I'm fine.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
i really wish i was making this up
Things I've said to Chip in the last few weeks:
- You really need to go around with a q-tip and a can of acetone to clean up the smudges of wall paint on the baseboards.
- Are you kidding me?! With the SHOES?! Left out in the ENTRY WAY?! (said as I simultaneously shriek with disgruntled shock and also step around my OWN shoes that are piled willy-nilly in the entry way)
- I need you to take this list SERIOUSLY. I know it's 4 pages long and includes things like "clean up paint smudges on baseboards with q-tip" - but this is SERIOUS business.
- Stop laughing at me.
- Focus!
- I'm not going to be distracted into cleaning out this closet. (said as I am actually cleaning out the
closet)
- I think we need to find a more effective method for organizing these business cards. They're everywhere. They need their own box. With labels.
- The most important thing I can do right now is to CLEAN OUT THIS BOX OF CAT TOYS.
Things I've left out in the last few weeks:
- Very cold and badly perspiring bottle of water ON THE LEATHER COUCH.
- Jar of peanut butter on the kitchen counter. Four or fives times in a single week.
- Slice of pizza and tupperware of milk (for morning bowl of cereal) on the floor by my desk at work. Overnight.
Things I have actually done in the last few weeks:
- Cleaned out a box of cat toys. Even though the "box" was actually an attractive basket that had a perfectly fine home in our living room. Just the fact that I KNEW that there were toys in there that could be donated or thrown away was enough to send me into a cleaning frenzy.
- Reorganized my hair bands, headbands, and barrettes.
- Reorganized the shelves that hang over the computer in the den. This included me attempting to arrange Chip's Darth Vader piggy bank in a more artful manner. I'll pause to let that one sink in.
- Filed, sorted, shredded, recycled, and dealt with more mail than should EVER pile up on a kitchen counter.
- Breathed an actual SIGH OF RELIEF when Chip and I made it to Home Depot to purchase a closet organizer thing (a claspy-hook thing to hang brooms & Swiffer on) just minutes before they closed - 9pm on a Saturday night. Because I HAD TO HAVE IT DONE.
- Watched excitedly as Chip installed the claspy-hook thing in the downstairs coat closet just minutes after we got home from Home Depot. After 9pm. On a Saturday night.
- Checked, double-checked, and reorganized the on-going typed to do list.
Happy Monday.
- You really need to go around with a q-tip and a can of acetone to clean up the smudges of wall paint on the baseboards.
- Are you kidding me?! With the SHOES?! Left out in the ENTRY WAY?! (said as I simultaneously shriek with disgruntled shock and also step around my OWN shoes that are piled willy-nilly in the entry way)
- I need you to take this list SERIOUSLY. I know it's 4 pages long and includes things like "clean up paint smudges on baseboards with q-tip" - but this is SERIOUS business.
- Stop laughing at me.
- Focus!
- I'm not going to be distracted into cleaning out this closet. (said as I am actually cleaning out the
closet)
- I think we need to find a more effective method for organizing these business cards. They're everywhere. They need their own box. With labels.
- The most important thing I can do right now is to CLEAN OUT THIS BOX OF CAT TOYS.
Things I've left out in the last few weeks:
- Very cold and badly perspiring bottle of water ON THE LEATHER COUCH.
- Jar of peanut butter on the kitchen counter. Four or fives times in a single week.
- Slice of pizza and tupperware of milk (for morning bowl of cereal) on the floor by my desk at work. Overnight.
Things I have actually done in the last few weeks:
- Cleaned out a box of cat toys. Even though the "box" was actually an attractive basket that had a perfectly fine home in our living room. Just the fact that I KNEW that there were toys in there that could be donated or thrown away was enough to send me into a cleaning frenzy.
- Reorganized my hair bands, headbands, and barrettes.
- Reorganized the shelves that hang over the computer in the den. This included me attempting to arrange Chip's Darth Vader piggy bank in a more artful manner. I'll pause to let that one sink in.
- Filed, sorted, shredded, recycled, and dealt with more mail than should EVER pile up on a kitchen counter.
- Breathed an actual SIGH OF RELIEF when Chip and I made it to Home Depot to purchase a closet organizer thing (a claspy-hook thing to hang brooms & Swiffer on) just minutes before they closed - 9pm on a Saturday night. Because I HAD TO HAVE IT DONE.
- Watched excitedly as Chip installed the claspy-hook thing in the downstairs coat closet just minutes after we got home from Home Depot. After 9pm. On a Saturday night.
- Checked, double-checked, and reorganized the on-going typed to do list.
Happy Monday.
Friday, January 4, 2008
noted to add
Let me just say that you KNOW you're hormonal and excited when you get teary-eyed watching a shortish labor & birth instructor stand in front of a class squeezing a weird red and white crocheted bag thing (meant to stand in for the uterus) until a strangely dingey baby doll pops out. You also know that you're totally crazy and anticipating impending parenthood when the graying instructor places the grimey baby doll on her belly, simulating what is going to happen in the labor and delivery room once the baby is born-- and all you can think of is THERE'S THE BEAN! and HEY! GET THAT HAND OFF OF MY BABY!
M.F.E.O. (that's made for each other, folks)
We went to our first Birth and Labor class last night. Not only did I learn some stuff and sit on the floor and do breathing exercises with a bunch of strangers, I also received further confirmation that Chip and I are MFEO (see above, slackers) – TRU LOVE 4EVA – CHIP+WHIMSY – HEART HEART HEART, you get the idea.
The evening started with some marginally scary driving conditions – Chip drove downtown to pick me up and then we traversed across the 520 bridge to get to the hospital. In very slick conditions. All I’m saying is there might have been a couple of near-traffic mishaps. Ahem. All of which were totally forgiven and forgotten when yours truly INSISTED that we should park in the SILVER parking garage area because we were meeting in the RED AUDITORIUM and we NEEDED TO BE THERE EARLY because NOTHING IS AS EMBARASSING AS SHOWING UP TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS LATE and by the way I HAVE TO FIND A BATHROOM RIGHT NOW blah blah blah. Chip took it all like a champ. And proceeded to tote around our two pillows, insisting that it felt really funny to be carrying pillows around in public. And then we had a pillow fight in the elevator, because: WHY NOT and also when are we gonna get a chance to do that again (besides next week).
Once we arrived at the red auditorium, it was strangely empty and silent. We were early. So we took a walk down the long and rambling hospital hallways. Dude – do they MAKE hospitals with a clear floor plan? No. No I don’t think that ever happens. Anyway, we realized that time was growing short so we jetted BACK to the red section only to discover that we were at the wrong room. This was once resident genius Whimsy checked the room schedule posted on the wall. Uhhhh. So then we clomped BACK down the meandering hallways to find the right place. We arrived SECONDS before the class started, of course. And had to sit at the front of the large semi-circle of pregnant women and pillow-toting partners.
The instructor got the party started soon after by telling us about herself and then asking us to share just a little bit about ourselves in the form of our names, due date, gender of baby, and ONE WORD WE THINK OF WHEN WE THINK OF LABOR. Note this last thing, because it’s important.
I started sweating as soon as Instructor Lady was all, “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves!” because I was sitting at the first chair and I HATE that stuff. I’m shy, introverted, and also terribly verbose (try that combo on for size). I usually wind up saying TOO MUCH of something dumb and then berate myself because I feel like a giant dork. Thankfully, Instructor Lady (let’s call her Cindy) started on the other side of the semi-circle. Each time someone listed their word to describe labor, Cindy would write it down on the whiteboard at the front of the room. After couple 1, and then couple 2, and then COUPLE 3 used words like “miraculous”, “wonderful”, and “blessing from above” to describe LABOR, I knew Chip and I were sunk. I turned to him and whispered, “I’m thinking MESSY.” He started to laugh and whispered back, “I was thinking THE EXACT SAME WORD. It’s totally MESSY!” (see above re: MFEO) After a few more couples, Cindy finally found someone ACTUALLY THINKING OF HER QUESTION – WHICH WAS A WORD TO DESCRIBE LABOR, PEOPLE—and the dude said, “unknown” and that’s when Cindy busted out the RED MARKER. All the other fluffy words were in a nice soothing green color. And then U-N-K-N-O-W-N was scribbled on the board all red and blaring. There were a couple more RED words – but mostly people kept saying things like “beautiful” and “super duper” and “hearts and puppies” TO DESCRIBE THE PROCESS OF LABOR? REALLY? Cindy gets to Chip and he says something self-deprecating and funny (I just met this girl) and then busts out his word: TERRIFYING (just kidding – he came up with something else, but for the life of me, I can’t remember it with my gnat-sized temporal lobe). At my turn, of course I said too much – and then stuck to my guns and blurted out MESSY, because I’m stubborn and I wanted my RED word to keep Chip’s RED word company. We are so MFEO, people!
At this point, Cindy congratulates the class on all the wonderful GREEN words that they used to describe this beautiful and incredible event (it’s still messy, yes it is). Blah blah blah you should all be so PROUD of yourselves because you’re so much more highly evolved from our classroom 12-year-olds sitting on this side of the semi-circle – Chip and Whimsy I’m looking at YOU.
Anyway, I'm making way too much of this because I think the entire thing was just hilarious and relationship-affirming. If we’re going to be 12-year-olds, at least we’re 12-year-olds together, you know?
The rest of the class was pretty good, barring the most uncomfortable chairs known to man. It got even better when we got down on the floor (with the pillows!) during the last 30 minutes of the class and did a relaxation exercise where we needed to focus on one object in the room.
At the end of class, Chip and I were walking out (toward the bathroom, naturally), amazed and amused by the entire experience (and we get to do it for four more weeks!). Chip informed me that during the relaxation exercise thingy he had to stop himself from thinking of Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite (Now, just imagine you’re weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.).
Turns out we focused on the same ceiling speaker thingy during the relaxation exercise. MFEO, indeed.
The evening started with some marginally scary driving conditions – Chip drove downtown to pick me up and then we traversed across the 520 bridge to get to the hospital. In very slick conditions. All I’m saying is there might have been a couple of near-traffic mishaps. Ahem. All of which were totally forgiven and forgotten when yours truly INSISTED that we should park in the SILVER parking garage area because we were meeting in the RED AUDITORIUM and we NEEDED TO BE THERE EARLY because NOTHING IS AS EMBARASSING AS SHOWING UP TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS LATE and by the way I HAVE TO FIND A BATHROOM RIGHT NOW blah blah blah. Chip took it all like a champ. And proceeded to tote around our two pillows, insisting that it felt really funny to be carrying pillows around in public. And then we had a pillow fight in the elevator, because: WHY NOT and also when are we gonna get a chance to do that again (besides next week).
Once we arrived at the red auditorium, it was strangely empty and silent. We were early. So we took a walk down the long and rambling hospital hallways. Dude – do they MAKE hospitals with a clear floor plan? No. No I don’t think that ever happens. Anyway, we realized that time was growing short so we jetted BACK to the red section only to discover that we were at the wrong room. This was once resident genius Whimsy checked the room schedule posted on the wall. Uhhhh. So then we clomped BACK down the meandering hallways to find the right place. We arrived SECONDS before the class started, of course. And had to sit at the front of the large semi-circle of pregnant women and pillow-toting partners.
The instructor got the party started soon after by telling us about herself and then asking us to share just a little bit about ourselves in the form of our names, due date, gender of baby, and ONE WORD WE THINK OF WHEN WE THINK OF LABOR. Note this last thing, because it’s important.
I started sweating as soon as Instructor Lady was all, “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves!” because I was sitting at the first chair and I HATE that stuff. I’m shy, introverted, and also terribly verbose (try that combo on for size). I usually wind up saying TOO MUCH of something dumb and then berate myself because I feel like a giant dork. Thankfully, Instructor Lady (let’s call her Cindy) started on the other side of the semi-circle. Each time someone listed their word to describe labor, Cindy would write it down on the whiteboard at the front of the room. After couple 1, and then couple 2, and then COUPLE 3 used words like “miraculous”, “wonderful”, and “blessing from above” to describe LABOR, I knew Chip and I were sunk. I turned to him and whispered, “I’m thinking MESSY.” He started to laugh and whispered back, “I was thinking THE EXACT SAME WORD. It’s totally MESSY!” (see above re: MFEO) After a few more couples, Cindy finally found someone ACTUALLY THINKING OF HER QUESTION – WHICH WAS A WORD TO DESCRIBE LABOR, PEOPLE—and the dude said, “unknown” and that’s when Cindy busted out the RED MARKER. All the other fluffy words were in a nice soothing green color. And then U-N-K-N-O-W-N was scribbled on the board all red and blaring. There were a couple more RED words – but mostly people kept saying things like “beautiful” and “super duper” and “hearts and puppies” TO DESCRIBE THE PROCESS OF LABOR? REALLY? Cindy gets to Chip and he says something self-deprecating and funny (I just met this girl) and then busts out his word: TERRIFYING (just kidding – he came up with something else, but for the life of me, I can’t remember it with my gnat-sized temporal lobe). At my turn, of course I said too much – and then stuck to my guns and blurted out MESSY, because I’m stubborn and I wanted my RED word to keep Chip’s RED word company. We are so MFEO, people!
At this point, Cindy congratulates the class on all the wonderful GREEN words that they used to describe this beautiful and incredible event (it’s still messy, yes it is). Blah blah blah you should all be so PROUD of yourselves because you’re so much more highly evolved from our classroom 12-year-olds sitting on this side of the semi-circle – Chip and Whimsy I’m looking at YOU.
Anyway, I'm making way too much of this because I think the entire thing was just hilarious and relationship-affirming. If we’re going to be 12-year-olds, at least we’re 12-year-olds together, you know?
The rest of the class was pretty good, barring the most uncomfortable chairs known to man. It got even better when we got down on the floor (with the pillows!) during the last 30 minutes of the class and did a relaxation exercise where we needed to focus on one object in the room.
At the end of class, Chip and I were walking out (toward the bathroom, naturally), amazed and amused by the entire experience (and we get to do it for four more weeks!). Chip informed me that during the relaxation exercise thingy he had to stop himself from thinking of Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite (Now, just imagine you’re weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.).
Turns out we focused on the same ceiling speaker thingy during the relaxation exercise. MFEO, indeed.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
saving it for a rainy day
Is your cat self-conscious about the bald spots above his eyebrows? Does he spend vast unfulfilled hours in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to get a different look? Is he bored with his very fur?
For the pampered pet who has everything, including his own dressing room...
For the freakish pet owner who is willing to put his or her very life on the line attempting to put this darn thing on their cat's wee little skull...
This is for you.
(Thanks to Stacie for sending this my way.)
For the pampered pet who has everything, including his own dressing room...
For the freakish pet owner who is willing to put his or her very life on the line attempting to put this darn thing on their cat's wee little skull...
This is for you.
(Thanks to Stacie for sending this my way.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
