happy tears

Let's all take a moment to wish The Wife (and The Husband, of course) a hearty CONGRATULATIONS on their exciting news. Because this is my blog, and it’s ALL ABOUT MEEEEE, I’ve got to tell you that it’s been KILLING ME keeping the secret. However, I have to add that the peeing-every-two-hours-throughout-the-night thing has its benefits. It means I’m awake and conscious at 2:10 a.m. when I get a frantic text message announcing TWO PINK LINES, and I’m actually able to commence in a text message frenzy of OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS! Followed by WHY THE HECK ARE YOU AWAKE RIGHT NOW? So. Yes. Am totally thrilled for my friends.

There are a million different directions that I want to go with this, and I’m torn. I want to tell you about all the wonderful things that The Wife and I have been able to share – and some of the more bittersweet things we have not. I want to tell you about how hard it was to see her move to the South for graduate school, and how we both knew that Big Things were on the horizon for both of us, but had no idea what (marriage and children were really the LAST THINGS in mind). I want to tell you a little about our friendship – protecting the more sacred bits, but sharing just a few of the things that I’ve learned because of this amazing woman. I want to tell you about how The Fates have decided that the gravitational pull we create when even in the same STATE is just too strong, and so we’re destined to live on opposite sides of the country, keeping things in some kind of cosmic balance. I want to tell you about the hope I get to hand down to The Bean about True Friends. They are real. They exist. They are rare. If you’re fortunate enough to find even just one True Friend, you will be blessed. I want to tell you all of these things – but I lose the words.

I hope that each of us can inventory our little collections of acquaintances and find at least one Friend like this. One person whose successes, whose pains, whose excitements, whose good news sends us up and over the MOON with joy. There’s a reason we’re told to mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those in need of comfort. Out of all the pain is borne a connection so deep, a love so strong—when this friend is facing one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys in her life, we feel that it is US who received the wonderful news.

Congratulations, my friend. I can't wait to share all of this with you. I love you.

threat level orange

I've decided to take a cue from the Department of Homeland Security, and identify my level of stress using their very official Homeland Security Advisory System. It is easy to say that I am clearly NEVER at Threat Level Green (Low Risk of Anxiety Attack). My baseline is more at Threat Level Blue (Guarded - General Risk of Anxiety Attack).


Current Threat Level
After careful consideration of the newly updated and intricately cross-referenced To Do List, The Whimsy has upgraded to Threat Level Orange (High Risk of Anxiety Attack and Imminent Possibility of Meltdown). The National Whimsy Gut Instinct Estimate has cited heightened activity around the Whimsy household (including the upcoming hardwood flooring installation taking place on Tuesday); Generalized Holiday Stress; Pregnancy; Preparing for Child; Upcoming Church Christmas Party; and Work Tasks as contributing factors.

These Creamery Anxiety Threat Advisories will continue through the holidays, and will contain not only Current Anxiety Level Updates, but also actionable information (when applicable) about incidents involving, or a threat targeting, critical Whimsy networks, infrastructures, or key assets.

seven

Ha! As if you don't know enough weird or random things about me already. We can all thank Heidi for forcing me to unburden myself in this way. Before I start on this thing, I have to urge you to check out Heidi's original post with this meme, because DUDE - THE PICTURES WITH THE ANIMALS? Totally priceless (and adorable) - especially the PJ's she's sporting in the pic with the goats. Love me some onesie pajamas!

So - I'm requested to list 7 weird or random things about me.


One
Let's talk about Lego people. (Yes, the little guys in Lego sets with the yellow oblong heads and the square feet.) I went through a phase when I was THIRTEEN-- or older? Stacie, were we older than that? Man, good thing I had a friend who was as weird and dorky as I was. Anyway, Stacie and I, at some indeterminate age, would tie my younger brother's Lego people into our shoes. We'd sort of harness them into our shoelaces. They lost a lot of heads that way.


Two
I have a milk phobia. A very specific milk phobia. I will only consume it if I bought it. And if it's stored in my own refrigerator.


Three
At one point in time, I was the proud owner (breeder???) of no less than 48 hamsters. Yes, FOUR DOZEN little rodents. I was just so gosh-darn excited about getting the little hairy beasts together and having them start little families of their own (who cares if they were brother and sister? INCEST DOESN'T EXIST IN THE HAMSTER WORLD!). It got out of hand, naturally, and my parents forced me to give most of them away... my own little hamster adoption agency, born out of my desire to repopulate the hamster world. Out of the original group, I kept about 8. One of them was Scroungie, by far the most long-suffering and patient creature ever to walk the earth. Of course, it could have been ALL THE INBREEDING, and he was just the hamster equivalent of Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. That, or he just LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY, which is of course what I choose to believe. Imagine, if you will, a brownish-whitish little creature with long hair like this guy... sort of all over the place. Anyway, I dressed him up in outfits I made out of scraps of felt. I gave him baths in the sink (watching a hamster swim? FANTASTIC.) I carried him around in my pocket. After I pulled him out of my parka pocket at my older brother's high school basketball game, my mom started to actually PAT ME DOWN before we left the house. Scroungie outlived most of his family, living to the ripe-old age of 5 (unheard of for a hamster). RIP, little dude.


Four
I was one of the speakers at my high school graduation. I was not the valedictorian. I'm pretty smart, but I didn't fully apply myself in high school and we didn't really have a valedictorian anyway. In my speech, I quoted Robert Fulghum, and said something about stars burning in the ether.


Five
I write poetry, and was active in the Seattle Poetry Slam scene in my wonderfully overly-self-aware, sensitive, angry early 20's. Thankfully, none of my poetry rhymes.


Six
I am an obsessive list-maker. At any point in time, you can probably find no less than five lists in my cavernous handbag.


Seven
Given the choice, in 99 out of 100 scenarios, I will always pick vanilla or caramel over chocolate.


For the tag portion of this meme - I'm supposed to tag 7 people to do this, but I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN EQUALLY AND CANNOT POSSIBLY PICK ONLY 7. That, or I'm just lazy. Instead, being the rebel non-conformist that I am, I'm offering this up to all of you. Respond on your blog and post the link here in comments - or simply give me 7 random items about yourself in the comments. Either way, it's your turn.

(P.S. You cannot simply list yourself 7 times. I tried that, informing Heidi that I was definitely random and most certainly odd.)

on the phone last night, packing up to head home

Chip: What sounds good for dinner? I can pick something up on my way.
Me: ... [thinking]... You know what I want? I want pears. I want to eat a pear that's been cut up and put in a bowl, with a couple pieces of whole wheat toast on the side. Toast - with PEANUT BUTTER.
Chip: But we don't have any pears.
Me: I know. But it's totally what I want. Fruit and toast.
Chip: Is that even a meal?
Me: Yes. Yes it is. I used to eat it on Sunday nights when I was little. Because mom canned her own fruit, we could have a bowl of peaches or a bowl of pears - and TOAST. I want fruit and toast please.
Chip: So - I'm headed to the grocery store to buy pears?
Me: Um, yes? Yes please? If you don't mind?
Chip: [sigh] Yes, that's fine. I'll buy some pears. Do you want anything else?
Me: No. Just pears............... though some cookies also sound nice.

bean-flavored kung fu

This morning Chip was resting his head on my belly, saying hello to the Bean, when she gave him a nice big kick in the cheek. It was awesome.