I have a theory that it is always 8 degrees hotter at the zoo than anywhere else on the planet.
I have a rule to not call anyone after 9pm unless it is a dire-and-extreme emergency. 8pm is the yellow zone.
I have a rule that the height of pigtails on the side of your head should be in direct relation to your age --- and the use of pigtails should cease and desist somewhere around 42. In other words: it's okay for babies to wear wee little piggies right on top of their adorable craniums, Bean wears hers right up high on her noggin, and I wear mine low down by my shoulders and will continue to do so until I reach the cut off age.
I have a rule that if your hair is long and starts getting all separated and pointy at the ends (visualize a sawtooth effect running along someone's back - I call it pointy hair and you can thank me later for that particular addition to your vocabulary), you should RUN not walk to the nearest hair stylist personage and GET IT CUT.
Tell me some of your theories and rules.
6 comments:
The newer/lighter colored the underpants, the higher the likelihood of starting your period when you're unprepared.
Don't call before 9AM on a weekeday, 10AM on a weekend.
If it seemed like a bad idea when you left the house, its for sure going to be awful by the time you get back home.
Always bring a gift with a bow.
If you have a good taste in your mouth from dinner, and think you're full, then don't take another bite and risk ending on a bad note.
Ice cream is always a wise choice.
Never run an errand in sweats no matter what time of day it is because you'll always run into someone you know.
Here at Spadoville, you must be 34 years old before you can lick the butter kinife, (or the one you used to smear peanut butter on your toast). You can never lick a sharp knife, (like a steak knife).
If you open it, close it. If you take it out, put it back. If you leave a room, turn off the light, (and/or the TV). If you take off your clothes to shower, put them in the hamper.
If you use the bread, twist the little band back onto the bag so a right handed person can get it off naturally, (this rule for leftys only)
Don't use your fingers in the jelly.
And the number one rule is:
Don't make loud noises when Papa is sleeping!
Peace.
Own at least 20 pairs of underwear that fit;
Always have coffee, spaghetti, tomato sauce, peanut butter, applesauce, soup and baked beans in the pantry;
Always have hamburger and hot dogs in the freezer;
Always put the important things (scissors, tape, stapler, etc) back in their places so you can find them again;
Never park the car in the driveway on "empty"
Always keep a flashlight that works in your car;
and NEVER never ever "cut off your nose to spite your face" as my grandmother used to say.
If you're not sure whether to bring something, just BRING it (e.g., wallet to go two miles to pick up kids).
Pack less than you need on personal trips, more than you need on business trips.
Related: Business trips are never a good time to try new outfits.
Related: Never assume your hotel can provide an iron.
Related: Steaming your clothes in the bathroom is a good idea, but if you let them steam too long, they'll still be wet in the morning.
As much as you want to get your kid out of diapers, let him/her take the lead on potty training.
People Magazine is just the right length and provides just the right amount of trashy celebrity gossip for a two- to three-hour flight.
Turn the pillowcase inside out before you put it on the pillow.
You can never buy too much fruit.
Mothers do a better job when they take care of themselves first.
Whatever it is, you probably don't need it.
THINGS aren't memories; you don't need to keep them.
Throw it away. If you need it, it can be recreated, re-gotten, whatever. (This will almost never be necessary.)
(Can you tell I'm a purger?)
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