Thursday, September 16, 2010

down the dip

It's like this: I was feeling so rockin-on-top-of-everything a couple of weeks ago, and I was saying Yes! Yes! YES! to anything, everything, and as the days passed by and I kept churning along with a steadily growing roar in my ears and the projects started to build and the lists got longer and my patience got shorter and I found myself standing in the middle of the living room spinning in slow circles watching thing after thing after thing focus in and out of my view until I just sat down. Sat down and thought Huh. I'm really tired. Really, really, really tired.

But that's not exactly what happened.

It's like this: There were a lot of fun things and good things and maybe not-so-fun things but still necessary things that were all happening at once. And I tried to do everything in the midst of Chip traveling and Bean getting sick - twice - and my sleep cycles dragged and got funny. Which usually makes me not-so-funny so I kept thinking of blog entries that I should write but didn't.

But that's not exactly what happened.

It's like this: We had a lot of fun. And a full house with some visiting old friends. And lots of laundry. Bean got sick (in succession, and also in reality with barfing sick at night for several nights in a row). I have these welcome-but-still-stressful work projects that I'm tackling. Preparing for a long 18-day trip through Oregon and Idaho and Utah. And the Whimsy energy output has been maxed, leaving an empty shell of a blog here.

But that's not exactly what happened.

It's like this: I pretended to be like other people I know who can do and function and do and function and even though things get tense they still do and function at a similar pace. I forgot for a few minutes that I'm not like those people and I need space and time and a little less motion to my days in order to function. It's how I do what I do, with the heart and mind that I have. I weigh every decision to see if it's going to push me into the red zone, to carefully mete out the strands of sanity and stability that are mine. A long while ago I suggested that The Creamery needed a Threat Level Advisory and though I was quite serious at the time, it's sort of funny that it's so necessary to my days and ways of survival. As the needle on the stress meter rises and flirts with the higher end of the scale, my blood pressure and my brain pressure react in kind. I've gotten to the point that I don't let myself get too close to a red zone before I automatically start shucking things to the side, off my plate and beyond my reach--- things that normally I love to do, but can't be done properly right now so shouldn't be tackled at all.

But I wanted you to know that I'm fine. That I'm bobbing along and will resurface soon. That I am busy but it's a good busy. That I still owe you an entry about my new word, the one that I'm quietly whispering to myself even now, the word that will help me see everything through to the other side.

It's going to be great over there.


Bethsix said...

Glad you're okay. I'm feeling the busy too, feel paralyzed with so much to do.

Shelly Overlook said...

Bob along, my friend.

kately said...

I was *just* sitting down to write you a quick email to see if you were ok, since you hadn't posted in a week. Glad to hear your BlogVoice again ;-) Keep breathing ...