a decree from The Supreme and Creamy Whimsy

It has come to my attention that there is currently a Cream Deficiency in the geographical area known as the Southwestern United States (and most specifically, in the neighborhood of Santa Fe, New Mexico). Whereas this might not be considered to be a pressing issue in terms of our current Cream Content and its related deficiencies in existence throughout the country - and even the world)--- I am most distressed about the current Severe Lack of Cream in the Santa Fe, New Mexico area due to it being the current residence of one of the original members of The Triumverate* (the member known hereafter as Samwise).

To aquaint you with our dearest Samwise, it would take many more paragraphs than I could possibly write. But I shall briefly offer this: she is a true friend who rescued me on many occasions, in more than one way. Once upon a time she showed up on my doorstep with a lifesize cutout of one Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn. She also dragged me through the hospital emergency room when my back went out after M, Samwise, and I had spent an unbelieveable night laughing at Target and seeing a midnight showing of Lord of the Rings. (Seriously - I literally laughed my back into a writhing mass of trouble. And it was SO worth it.)

Samwise has had quite a series of mishaps in these past few months and is also in her last few weeks of her first pregnancy (a most delicious and creamy baby girl is soon to be joining the fold of Cream, The Next Generation). It is quite simply more than one Creamy Girl can stand.

I have officially decreed an END to the Cream Deficiency and am personally overseeing a CREAM INTERVENTION, nay--- A DELUGE OF CREAM, nay------ A VERITABLE FLOOD OF CREAM to these Southwestern United States. The Supreme and Creamy Whimsy, The Most Delectable Creamy Bean, The Marvelous Creamy Madame M, and The Curiously Cutely Creamy C-Boy (M's little one, in the shorthand) will be flying 'cross these friendly skies in January to descend upon the land of Santa Fe, New Mexico for a TRIUMPHANT TRIUMVERATE REUNION (with kids).

There have been some concerns expressed that such a FLOOD OF CREAM might cause the very land to buckle and the cactus to fall and the sands to be swept into the sea. To such I say, it has long been shown that in the wake of destruction we find rebirth. In the desert of Cream we will see GARDENS.

Long live CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samwise, prepare yourself.

We are coming.

Heaven help us all.




Now tell me, please, about your faraway friends and what you'd do for them. Also, what are you going to be doing in January? Please ignore any minor weather disturbances on or around January 19. There are sure to be some complications and fallout from the gravitational pull of the three of us in one place. Seriously, you have been warned.




* The Triumverate is comprised of myself (being The Supreme and Creamy Whimsy), the Incomparable M, and the aforementioned Samwise. These, the most key Minions of Miniondom.

the day after

Well, I had the best of intentions. I was going to keep Alice off the Major Sugar for as long as possible. I'm a reasonable person, however, and how is a reasonable person supposed to face the siren song of the Baskin Robbins ice cream cake? Especially when it is her baby girl's first birthday? Chip came home with it last night.

And this:



Plus this:



Is bound to equal this:




What else is a mother to do except join in the fun? (I take solace in the fact that Alice's first taste of SWEET was none other than CREAM - in the form of a dab of whipped cream from Chip's piece of cake. Cream, as befitting a creamy girl of CREAM: THE NEXT GENERATION.)

the laws of cream: my thoughts

So there you have it, my dear internets. The Laws of Cream, in all their glory: Intro, Law 1, Law 2, Law 3, Law 3A, and Law 4.


I'm an odd one, I know, but can I tell you how HAPPY I am that the Laws of Cream are out there in the ether, for all to see? Bring on the CREAMIES, I tell you! I should also thank The Wife, luminous and always wonderful, who FOUND the Laws of Cream in some deep dark archive and resurrected them for me to publish here. Thank you, my friend, you're the bestest.

The cool thing about the whole concept of CREAM, is that it's such a great meefee (MFE: metaphor for everything, another little vocabulary tidbit I'm dropping in here for you). And there are different levels of cream-- for instance, in case you wondered, my husband is CHOCOLATE MILK. And I know quite a few whipped creamies. And different kinds of ice creamies. You get the idea.

Cream is out there, for you to discover, for you to know. And I love the fact that I've met so many other creamy folk through this blog. So happy Christmas to all of you lovely lovely folks.

Enjoy the day. Remember why we're celebrating it. Spread love and joy and cheer and know that we're all here to help each other.

-Whimsy.

the laws of cream: #4 The Cottage Cheese Principle

Whatever. Read the intro, Law #1, Law #2, Law #3, Law #3A before you go on.


4. The Cottage Cheese Principle

Cottage cheese is cream gone MAD. A cottage cheese person is someone who has simply forgotten their creaminess and all that it entails. They find themselves inexplicably dating orange juice or other juice products - and even going so far as to hang out in their aisle at the grocery store. It goes further when they fail to recognize other creamy people. While this usually is merely a stage before they lose all creaminess entirely - in rare instances they can be saved. Through an intensive process involving a lot of creamy activity, the whey can be drained away to reveal a nice creamy lump of cheese.

the laws of cream: #3A The Orange Julius Clause

Are you really tuning in NOW, after missing the introduction, the first law, the second law, AND the third law? I'm not sure there is any hope for you. If, however, you're all up to speed on The Laws of Cream, read on...


3A. The Orange Julius Clause

The Supreme and Creamy Whimsy has been made aware that there is a very rare, very strange, very inexplicable and (let's put even more emphasis on this:) RARE occurrence when cream and orange juice somehow meld to create something interesting-- let's call it the Orange Julius Effect and know that it's out there. But it's so freakishly rare (there's that word again) that we can't be sure it has ever even happened. Just know that we are ever so slightly open to the fact that yes, on some very spare occasions, cream and OJ can be friends. It's just really weird. Remember: creamsicles aren't for everyone.


Tune in tomorrow for the final law (at this point, at least): Law #4: The Cottage Cheese Principle

the laws of cream: #3 Unmixy Things

If you're just tuning in now, read the introduction, the first law, and the second law. Much more understandable that way.


3. Unmixy Things

Orange juice and cream do not mix. DO NOT MIX. DO. NOT. MIX. Do I need to say this any other way? We can all coexist in the supermarket refrigerator aisle, happy to be kept cool and frosty, but we really don't taste good together. We can even hang out on the same table, and enjoy breakfast-- each offering our own contributions. But remember: you are not orange juice; they are not cream.


Tune in Monday for Law #3A: The Orange Julius Clause

the laws of cream: #2 Something About Orange Juice

If you're just tuning in now, read the introduction and the first law - it'll make a lot more sense.


2. Something About Orange Juice

Orange Juice is lovely, but it is NOT CREAMY. There are a lot of perfectly wonderful people in the world who are not creamy. They don't have an ounce of dairy in them. They are orange juice. They might even appear to be creamy, but in actuality they are CALCIUM-ENRICHED ORANGE JUICE. Maybe even with some extra pulp. But do I need to say this again? THEY ARE NOT CREAMY. Most of these orange juicers don't know about cream. They don't care about cream. They don't even want to BE cream (hard to believe, I know). Remember, some people in this world are cursed to be lactose intolerant. And while we may not understand their aversion to us, we must soldier on. Minions, let them live their cream-less lives. Do not fret over it. But if, say, some unnamed boy finds himself ATTRACTED TO ORANGE JUICE, see Law #1: Cream Knows Cream, and don't worry about it. Move on.


Tune in tomorrow for Law #3: Unmixy Things

the laws of cream: #1 Cream Knows Cream

If you're just tuning in now, read the introduction first. It'll make a lot more sense.


1. Cream Knows Cream

We recognize each other, even from a distance. There are some people who may not know the actual term for what they are (creamy), but inevitably they know there's something a little different about them in comparison to most of the non-creamy world. Don't forget this one, as it will bring you much solace when you're feeling like you're invisible. CREAM KNOWS CREAM. If there's someone in the same room that's creamy, they will inevitably recognize your butter fat. And if they don't? IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO CONVINCE THEM THAT YOU'RE CREAMY. And if you start feeling like you DO need to try to explain this to someone, or to give them reasons why you're so great, GET THEE HENCE, AND SEEK OUT SOME MINIONS, WHO WILL PROMPTLY PUMMEL YOU ABOUT THE HEAD UNTIL YOU ACQUIESCE.


Tune in tomorrow for Law #2: Something About Orange Juice.

the laws of cream: an introduction

Once upon a time, I had me some Minions. Oh dude, if you've never had Minions, you definitely need to try it, because a nice posse of Minions is FANTASTIC. We were one glorious group of weird folks and we had a lot of fun together: group birthday party (how is it POSSIBLE that we were all born in JANUARY?), loud restaurant get-togethers, odd and strangely hilarious late-night outings to Target, numerous movie adventures (with ACTION FIGURES, OH MY WORD)... anyway we're all spread across the country now. In most cases, I'm happy to say that they're still my Minions, even if they're so far away.

My Minions... they are astounding women. Women of character. Women of strength. Women of tremendous humor. Women who kick some serious trash. And yet... isn't it funny how the world tends to beat these fabulous people down? The world doesn't recognize their greatness. Or if it does, it responds to their super powers with fear. These women, these Minions, they're CREAMY. Rich in depth and tenacity and truth and art.

I wrote these laws for my Minions. Because everyone needs a reminder to never compromise true beauty.

Tune in tomorrow for Law #1: Cream Knows Cream.