let's dispense with the introduction

Two days ago I tried the "rubber band through the button-hole" trick for continuing to wear non-pregnancy pants during pregnancy. For the uninitiated, they say this is a way to extend the life of your pre-pregnancy pants. It's difficult to explain, but even if you are very early in the pregnancy, and even if you haven't gained any weight yet (hard to believe, but not yet), you will find that your stomach just...pooches out. And anything that confines the pooching stomach is simply NOT TOLERATED. I tried to test this, in week 5, by wearing some cute black pants that had previously fit me just right. By the end of the day, I was so unhappy with The Pinching! The Straining! Anything Touching My Poor Belly! I nearly ripped the cute little things OFF. I haven't worn them since. And have, in fact, confined myself to the following: a linen summer dress that has a very high waist and therefore - causes no chafing; a pair of black pants that are 1 1/2 sizes too big for me and even with the extra pooching, still have to be hiked up throughout the day; an identical pair of dark khaki pants; and a pair of light khaki cargo things that, while may not be 1 1/2 sizes too big - are still pretty roomy. So - whereas pre-pregnancy I had a plethora of bottoms choices - I could swim in my ocean of choices - I'm now down to 4. I'm not even remotely close to wearing maternity stuff. I'm only 8 weeks. And until someone comes up with the Almost Pregnant line of clothing, I'm stuck in limbo land with nothing to wear. In my desperation this morning, my desire to expand my wardrobe choices took over, and I decided on The Alternative. The Alternative, of course, is the little area called "jerry rigging your clothes". Hence, the rubber-band hooked through the button hole and then slung across the button trick. I attempted this with my jeans - my lovely jeans that I have heretofore adored. They have made my none-too-thin thighs actually LOOK thinner. They have made a cute sun dress that is maybe a tad on the short side PERFECT when worn underneath said sundress. They have been my lifesaver when everything in my closet felt frumpy and old. MY JEANS. I figured, if the button hold trick is ever going to work, it's going to work with these babies, right?

Right?

Uh, wrong. What they never tell you about the button-hole trick is that you are left with this gaping wide MAW from the zipper. If you zip up, your whole need for the rubber band is sort of ...moot... and also: ineffective. If you DON'T zip, you've got all this extra ...fabric. And especially when sitting, it's just there, popping up and looking weird. If anyone could see what's going on under my sassy sundress, they would be sorely unimpressed. Let's not go into too much detail about this next flaw, but suffice it to say that I've discovered there are other ...areas... that are also being chafed by the pants that have NOTHING to do with the waistband. I had forgotten what it felt like to wear jeans.

I don't know if I'll be using this "trick" again. And this is not to impugn anyone for whom this trick has worked. I'm sure it's a real crowd-pleaser. I just ...hate this time. I'd rather just get with it and start showing, start wearing the weird belly panels and HUGE bras. (Saying all of this, of course, doesn't mean I won't start complaining in 8 weeks about how TIRED I am of the maternity wear. I will be changeable, yes I will!)