Monday, July 30, 2007

star wars in a onesie

I had my first Ob/Gyn appointment today. I was nervous as crap for it all weekend long, thinking they’d listen to my belly with some strangely formed device, make a Very Concerned Face followed by a Very Concerned Noise and we’d be whisked off to some other not so brightly lit office where they tell us that This is Very Serious and We Are Very Concerned (in case you couldn’t already tell by the looks on our faces). I was so keyed up, in fact, that I had a harder night’s sleep than normal (Which is hard to believe because the sleep? NOT SO GOOD THESE DAYS.). I woke up around 3am (in addition to the pee breaks at 12:30 and 2:00) with a horrendous stomach ache – the kind usually aided by a nice glug of Pepto. Instead I just lay in bed, suffering in silence, telling my gut that it was just nerves! That everything would be fine!

Fast forward to this morning, with Chip and I working in tandem to get our butts to the doctor by the appropriate time (we did it!). The office is beautiful and mauve – everyone is smiling. The receptionist is extremely nice and helpful (And here’s where you’ll go to give us a urine sample – you’ll do this every office visit, honey.). The nurse is also a paragon of sweet. She answers our questions. She takes lots of notes. She is excited for us! She congratulates us a dozen times! She tells us our approximate due date (March 10). She hands Chip countless pamphlets, books, and brochures. She tells us how my appointment schedule will work. She takes my blood pressure and pulse and tells me to get undressed (Completely, honey – you wouldn’t believe how many people misunderstand that statement.) and pull on the very soft and often washed smock (Chip is particularly impressed that the smock is so soft – Him to me: We should get you one of these. You look a like a female Obi Wan Kenobi.). The doctor comes in. We chat with her for a while about episiotomies, caesarians, my jacked-up back. We ask her a funny question that will NOT be mentioned here, but it results in the Best Response of the Day from Doctor: “Well, the breasts, they change a lot through pregnancy. They actually get smaller after breast feeding but they are, uh, considerably, uh, deflated.” We are given advice about eating sensibly and healthily. She tells me that the key is moderation in all things. Chip asks if drinking Vitamin Water is safe (yes). She does a lot of Examining, including the hateful cervical exam, but she’s very gentle. She pulls out this little briefcase-sized ultrasound machine (This is just our small hand-held one for me to get a look.). She says we may not be able to see much – but oh, yes, there it is. There’s definitely something there… Here, I’ll show you. And then she’s showing us this grainy image of a white background with a black triangle shape in the middle (the triangle part is the egg sac where the baby is) – and then this solid white blob sitting at the bottom – there’s the baby. Can you see? And then Chip is there, and he’s squeezing my hand and saying – THERE’S THE FRIJOLE! How soon until I can speak Spanish to her belly? And this: If we were having twins, you’d be able to tell, right? (YES. And thankfully, NO, YOU’RE NOT HAVING TWINS.)

Before I know it, she has turned the screen back to herself and is looking for the heartbeat (It’s still early – but oh, yes, I think I can see a tiny little flutter.). And then it is over. I am given a little pile of orders for blood work and little tubes in a baggy and told to go to the lab. I have blood drawn while the tech asks if this is our first baby – she has two. And in response to a question I ask Chip, she assures me that it doesn’t ever stop being surreal, the having kids stuff.

And then Chip and I are walking to the car, strangely silent and giddy. I ask him if it feels more real… he says yes, but also no. I know exactly what he means.

1 comment:

The Wife said...

My best friend. Obi Wan Kenobi. I always knew you had it in you...I myself am only a young padawan learner.

Yay for getting that first Gyno visit out of the way're on your way, kid! Literally and figuratively!