baby tending for the sick and infirmed

My new best friend.
I was required to show my I.D. to purchase it.
At this point, I would give both of my kidneys (and my liver, too) just to keep
it around. I do not use the term "blissful" lightly.

The secret to tending a baby who is on the UP side of feeling sick (who, at the time of writing this, was rolling around on the floor, amazed that she could see her toes, while simultaneously making this noise OOOOOOO! OOOOOOO! OWWWWW!), especially when the mother is clearly mired in the Valley of Death in the Country of Sick? I present to you, my brilliant plan.


1.) Stay current with diaper changes. This is a non-negotiable.

2.) Relax the need to keep your child ultra clean and settle for mildly clean. More sticky and perishable items such as yogurt should be wiped from face and hands, with reasonable care. Less sticky, more crumbly items such as crackers, bread, and rice rusks can remain on facial area for hours.

3.) Lay out almost all favorite toys on a large favorite blanket on the floor. Keep back one or two favorite toys (behind couch cushion) for emergencies.

4.) Close all auxiliary doors, barricade unsafe outlets behind furniture, make room as safe as possible.

5.) Place child on floor. Introduce her to all the fun toys.

6.) Measure out large portion of Annie's Honey Bunny Grahams (thank you, Angela!) into a paper cup.

7.) Take paper cup and self to the couch. Lounge.

8.) Watch baby interest herself in toys for 2 minutes.

9.) Watch baby lose interest in toys and turn eyes to various items in the room.

10.) Watch baby investigate doors, chairs, tables, pack n play, booster seat, cabinet, and hotel room door --- all of which interests her for exactly 2 minutes.

11.) Watch baby crawl to you, whining that she is boooooored and wants to play with maaaaaaamaaaaaaa.

12.) Do the mental gymnastics of adding up the total time that baby has been entertained by all of mama's hard prep work (total: 4 minutes).

13.) Reach hand into honey bunny graham cup and extract one magic biscuit. Show it to baby.

14.) Watch baby's increasing speed in coming to mama.

15.) Hand baby the biscuit.

16.) Watch baby cruise away, down the couch, around the table, over to the blanket, around the pack n play, cross the room back to the chair, and back eventually to the couch for another biscuit (total time spent: 2.8 minutes).

17.) Lounge listlessly on couch as baby makes countless rounds of the room, accompanied by a new bunny cracker for each trip.

18.) Repeat until child begins to take face-down rest breaks on the blanket or bunny crackers are expired, whichever comes first.