Friday, October 29, 2010

it feels like...


It feels like the longest day, turned into the longest week--- surreal and strange and as far from normal as can be.

It feels like I have so much to say, but when I find a spare moment (Thursday afternoon, the first opportunity for solitary thought) the words don't come.

Thursday morning I took a shower while Bean watched an Elmo DVD (sending thanks and brainwaves of love to dear Karen and Sharon for their AWESOME gift, again). I turned the water as hot as it could go--- watched the steam rise in waves off the tile. I breathed in deep long breaths, felt the steam come through my sinuses, give me the gift of clear breathing. And as my breathing cleared, I felt the clouds in my head clear too: a sense of tomorrow, a sense of next week and next month came to me without any pain, with only the promise that plans can give, which is this: possibility.

I felt the promise of possibility return, and that is so very good.

Bean and I are in New Mexico for another five days. We got here late Monday night (really Tuesday morning). Chip will be joining us over the weekend. There are stories I still want to tell: funny things and kind things and weird things. I need to wait a little longer for the words for those stories. And speaking of which, I have to tell you that this is normally my favorite time of the year, with not one but TWO exciting things to celebrate: Chip's birthday AND Halloween. Both of them have been heavily impacted by recent events. So. I made an executive decision and declared a delay in both of these proceedings. We WILL be celebrating Halloween (afterall, Bean already has her costume) and Chip's birthday, with a twist. After we all get back, and after we've had a couple of days to breathe and return to normal---- the celebrations will commence. And be broadcast and shared here at The Creamery. Of course.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and emails and prayers and texts and other various mental and spiritual and electronical bits of support. I have felt these gifts of grace lift me up and give me strength.

Now tell me all your plans for Halloween. And tell me what color I should make the frosting for Chip's belated birthday cake. I miss you all terribly, and would love to have a full-to-the-brim in-box.

Commence comments now!


Anonymous said...

I am so so sorry, Whimsy Dear. I have been out of it lately and missed your sad, sad news. You were so lucky to have Buddy in your life. I hope your happy memories will bring you comfort at this time of sadness.

Sibley Saga .... said...

I'm so disappointed that we couldn't solve the logistics problems and get together while you're down here in NM. I could have shown you London's tiger costume. It goes quite well with her red hair. : ) We're just going to our ward Trunk or Treat. Nothing fantastic for Halloween. She's too young to care at this point.

Amy said...

Again, I'm so sorry for your news.

I can't wait to see Bean in her Halloween costume. She's going to be the cutest Madeline ever. I'm triply impressed by your sewing skills as I've just made my first project - Nate's trick-or-treat bag. Although it wasn't too, too hard, I've gotta tell you I was so frustrated when first I couldn't figure out how to make a bobbin and then I couldn't thread my machine properly. :)

We are celebrating with friends. There are about 5 families getting together at a friend's house to eat dinner before taking the little ones out into the neighborhood. Nate is such a giddy "Big Buzz" (Buzz Lightyear - store-bought obv) and is looking forward to it.

As for Chip's frosting - blue.

Bethsix said...

Plans: I'm missing my kids' Dia de los Muertos celebration at school this morning. Makes me so sad. It was one of my most favorite events at their school last year. Tonight, we have two competing events: school costume dance party and an outdoor movie (Back to the Future) at the park in our neighborhood. Tomorrow, Anneke has an art class, and there's a neighborhood Halloween party. On the actual day, we'll trick or treat and then go to a small party at a neighborhood friend's house.

Blue. A light, pastely lavender blue.

Midnight Rambler said...

I am so sorry to hear about Buddy. He sounds like a wonderful man. someone my own grandpa would have loved and laughed with. But I am happy to hear of the possibility coming back and of the plans made for enjoying the weekend.

Frosting: Purple, just 'cuz.

Plans: Lots of Halloween parties and fun, with me either dressed as some kind of futuristic flasher (don't ask) or a pirate or maybe BatWoman.

Love and hugs to you and I CANNOT wait to see Bean all dressed up. Loved (and coveted) the coat. Wish I had one in my size!!

Rose said...

Sorry for your loss!

We went to a Halloween party today at the Senior Living Center. They donated lots of stuff to Jorden's school, so they went to say "thank you." The seniors let them decorate cookies, make spiders, fish for apples... lots of fun stuff.

Tomorrow night is the Trunk or Treat. I'll be posting pictures of the kids in their costumes on my blog. :)

Kati said...

Our thoughts are with you at this time of loss. Have a safe trip home!

The trunk or treat last night was INSANITY! Four wards. One parking lots. More candy than you've ever seen. Many of us running out within 15 minutes. CRAZY! I sure hope we're in our building and back to a spooktacular by next year! :)
(So you didn't miss much there except too much candy and a stomachache. See you soon!)

LOVE Alice's costume. Maybe you'll just need to come over and the kids can dress up and we'll hide candy for them to find. That's what we did tonight since we weren't trick or treating and the kids loved it :)