belated and beloved

.

There are things he does that drive me crazy, push me to the ends of my mind and beyond, drive me to distraction until I want to pelt him with hundreds of olives in succession.

But Oh, this boy. I do love him so.

He is strong and brave, selfless and daring, humble and kind. I don't doubt the gifts he gives to the world every day for being in it. But let me tell you, it is the quiet gift of his presence in my life that I give thanks for each year on his birthday.

This year's celebration was fragmented by time and distance: he making the long trek by car from Utah down to New Mexico to join us for dinner last Friday night; and Alice and I, pushed to our limits with lack of sleep and the exhaustion that comes from bedding in unfamiliar places and trying our best to be strong. The whirlwind of travel and loss and visiting with so many wonderful people--- colliding last Friday night around Matt's dinner table.

Bean and I had been staying in El Paso all week and making the drive up each day, but Friday had us checking out of Texas and relocating to Las Cruces. The single parent duties wore me down until I was a calculating instrument only capable of single steps: Check out of hotel; Pack luggage in car; Fill car with gas; Drive the hour to Las Cruces; Find new hotel; Check in to new hotel; Unpack car. My thought as I did each item on my to do list was Chip's face, his warmth, his hands on my hands in a few hours.

There were so many delays in that day: the little volcanoes erupting in the middle of the road, trying to keep my temper in check as Bean insisted on sitting in the middle of the parking lot to refasten her shoes. It wasn't one small issue, it was twenty.

But by the time I had us checked in and almost unpacked, the afternoon had come and gone. We stopped off at the grocery store to pick up a cake.

I can't say if my heart actually burst at the sight of Chip standing in Matt's front yard, but if I know anything it's this:

Oh, this boy. I love him so.

Happy belated birthday, love. Thank you for being born.