Monday, November 17, 2008


First, an introduction: This is the result of daytime cold medicine when I really only needed sinus headache medicine. I'd had a WRETCHED sinus headache all day Sunday, well into the evening, with the POUNDING and the ACHING and I could barely see out of my left eye it hurt so much. So then I go to take something and we have ONE PACKET of Tylenol Sinus Nighttime and it expired in May 2008. (I didn't know medicine really had an expiration date, but there you go.) So I look at Chip and go, "See you later, dude." And I take the pills. Three hours later, I am woken from a dreamless stupor by Alice's crying. I stumble out of bed, to Alice's room, and sort of cram her paci back into her mouth and walk away. I am back in her room (much less sleepy) just 20 minutes later when she is crying again. I spend the next 30 minutes rocking her back to sleep. Why didn't I just bring her back to bed with us? Because I LOSE ALL NORMAL SENSE AT NIGHT. I have absolutely no decision-making, no problem-solving, and no logic at night. I don't know what happens, but things that are so easily figured out in the daytime are like LOGIC PUZZLES FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE at night. I just have this ginormous mental glitch once the moon is out and I should not be held responsible for the crazy things I do! Anyway. So I rocked Alice for an insane amount of time, got her back to sleep, then stumbled (much much MUCH less asleep) back to bed. Where I then enjoyed my sinus headache rearing it's ugly and VERY painful head. In my head. Oh my head. My poor aching head!

By morning I was all, I NEED SOME TYLENOL SINUS, LIKE, RIGHT NOW. So Chip valiantly scoots himself over to Walgreens this morning to buy me some (requested) Tylenol Sinus Nighttime, and Tylenol Sinus Daytime. Guess what? THEY DIDN'T HAVE EITHER ONE OF THOSE. So he had to get me some cold remedy instead--- WITH help for sinus headaches. I got all kinds of crabby with Chip for that one. BUT I WANTED TYLENOL SINUS! I took the other stuff anyway, because I have to actually function and care for a child today. And now? The result? ABSOLUTE CRAZINESS. I can't focus on much, am feeling terribly woozy, and stumbled across a list I made last night with (what I thought were) TERRIBLY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:

Why does a very tender eyebrow pluck make a person sneeze? I've gotten my bathroom mirror very, um, sneezey, from this practice.

If the PedEgg (EWWWW), Space Bag, ShamWow, or other FANTASTIC PRODUCT THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT work so well, how come everyone doesn't have one? (And quite seriously, that ShamWow has me very nearly salivating with DESIRE when I see it on TV. THEY DON'T HAVE TO USE PAPER TOWELS ANYMORE! THEY CAN DRY THE DOG WITH ONE TOWEL! YOU GET LIKE FORTY OF THEM FOR $20! We spent $17 on paper towels on Saturday and I kept thinking

Have you recently (or ever) had a dream where someone did something that made you SO MAD, you were even mad at them in the morning? Did you do anything to get over it, or are you still mad at the completely fictional thing that a real person did IN YOUR DREAM? (So far, I'm still a little mad.)

What do you tell the woman behind the counter when she puts her finger on your egg roll? (Chip's suggestion: Um, I'd like a different egg roll, please.)

For that matter, what do you tell the egg roll touching woman behind the counter when she asks if she can help you? (No, I want to be helped by someone else, thanks?)


Kristi said...

I've wondered about the tweezing/sneezing thing my entire eyebrow plucking life!! Everytime I tweeze, I sneeze!! It's so weird.

I've totally been mad at someone for something that happened in a dream. I couldn't remember if it had happened in real life or in a dream, and I stayed mad for an entire day because of it!

I hope you're feeling better soon!

The Wife said...


I have totally had a DREAM in which the Husband (ahem) did something (cough cough) which made me SO MAD I actually woke up, CRIED, KICKED HIM, went back to sleep and was STILL MAD at him in the morning.

Poor man. It's a wonder he still loves me.

Eleanor Q. said...

Ha Ha! My dad wanted to get me the ShamWow after he saw how many paper towels I use. (Part of my new thriftiness has been to use less paper towels.)

As for craziness at night, I too loose all sense of normal at night especially if, lets say, a baby has woken me up repeatedly, and I'm forced to make some baby-related decision. They always end up badly. Its nice to know I'm not the only one!

Alice said...

hee, i've definitely been mad at people for a dream infraction. i can't help it! the anger part is still real!

fyi, i read another blogger who got the shamwow - and she said it was SO AMAZINGLY SUPER CRAPPY it was unbelievable. like, whatever they show in the commercial is awesome, but then they sell you like a standard dishtowel or something. but i have no direct knowledge myself :-)

Vicky said...

I'm often mad at my husband for stuff he did in a dream. He just laughs at me now. Feel better.

tearese said...

I used to wake up at 2 Am and turn all the lights on, then stand there wondering if i was late for work. After I had kids, I'd wake up and think they were suffocating down by my feet, and later I'd stumble out into the hall because I thought they were up. They weren't.
Also, Alarm clocks are impossible complicated to turn off when you're too tired.
I think the Ped Egg looks painful.

Sara said...

Sara Hammond here - voice from the past! Anyway, I have the PedEgg and the ShamWow. PedEgg is very nice, $10 at Walgreens, and works well, as long as you don't expect it to get EVERYTHING (i.e. sit on the side of the tub or over a floor you can easily sweep or vacuum). The ShamWow isn't quite as fantastic as it shows in the commerical, but for a reusuable paper towel, it does the job. Easy to wash, easy to grab, microfiber so it doesn't scratch anything. Just my two cents.