Monday, May 4, 2009

look who has a case of the MUNdees

Doing my best to defunkify the funk - which, when I put it that way, makes it sound like I'm trying to get the smell out of something. And maybe in some ways I am. The SMELL OF THE GRAY DOLDRUMS. Today, I'm feeling both random and weird, which means that you get the benefit of random and weird. Now aren't you lucky?

I love the smell of a to do list in the morning!

We got back into town Friday night and woke up Saturday morning with a to do list that was about three feet long. A three-foot long to do list tends to make me simultaneously CRANKY and also MEGA MOTIVATED. Which is a weird combination. Luckily the mega motivated part of me won out and we got a lot done. Including some weeding. Which is strangely satisfying.

Mother? No? Not mother?

I received a really thoughtful email from Miss Sarah in Georgia, who remembers my SAD DEVOTION TO MOTHER'S SUGAR COOKIES. Being all connected and stuff, she received this message from the folks at Kelloggs, and had to share it with me, saying, "Yes, we're on the Mother's newsletter listserv". That's the kind of girl I can understand.

Mother's Cookies, Returning to West Coast Stores May 4

After filing for bankruptcy last year—but then being miraculously saved by Kellogg's!Mother’s Cookies announces its return to West Coast shelves starting May 4. Many favorites seem to be back, including Circus Animals, Iced Lemonade, Iced Oatmeal, and Taffy.

I planned to head out to a grocery store today, to document this bittersweet entrance to the cookie aisle (I say bittersweet because the kind people at Kellogg's are all clued in to what YOU want back on your cookie shelves --namely those pink and white interlopers, the Circus Animals-- but are terribly uninformed what those with discriminating and complicated palates are craving --i.e. the irresistable Mother's Sugar Cookie--). ANYWAY. W
e went to the grocery store on Saturday and what did I find between the Keebler striped fudge and the Archway no-name cookies that no one eats?

Yep. That would be the NOTMother's cookies from Kelloggs. See how much I love you? I even took a picture (badly, but still: a picture). West coasters, you may now visit your local grocery store to pick up the circus animals or iced lemonade or iced oatmeal. Don't tell me I never did anything for you. East and middle/Not coasters? You're out of luck. Unless, of course, I do a giveaway at some future date and you win and I put a bag of circus animals in your package. That's a lot of If's.

I don't want to go in your car, it's all vomity.

There's a story about PUKE from last week that I haven't told you yet. And I'm still not sure if I want to tell the whole story, because it paints Chip and I in a very un-parenty / un-aware / completely IDIOTIC light. Um. Suffice it to say, there was some kind of middle-of-the-night puking event in Bean's vicinity (okay, IN HER PACK N PLAY) and we were totally oblivious to it. In fact, she woke up whimpering a little--- and we sauntered over to her bed, gave her a new paci, and then she went back to sleep. IN THE VOMIT. I know. I KNOW. It gives me the heeby-jeevies, and also scares the living daylights out of me because while we are totally STOOOOPID and OBLIVIOUS and obviously have malfunctioning NOSES, we AREN'T unschooled in all the bad stuff that could have happened to a little girl who throws up in the middle of the night. Namely, she could have choked. Or, like, DROWNED IN IT.

Oh nasty. ANYWAY. In the morning light (after Alice got some revenge on her dumb parents when they brought her pukey little self into bed, and she was able to roll around repeatedly against their faces and all over their pillows)--- Chip looked at me (after I'd been snuggling the smelly girl for a while) and said, "You know, she smells a little... vomity." And I was all, "Ummm... yeah." And then we turned on a light. And saw PARTIALLY DIGESTED BANANAS IN HER HAIR. And there was something of a freak-out on BOTH of our parts. We've never moved so fast to get Alice and I into the shower.

Also: can't say I've ever tried to rinse out thrown-up banana from someone's hair. If you're wondering, it's not an easy chore.

Let's move on from this nasty subject, shall we? But first: I have been trying to get the awful smell out of the Pack N Play for four days now and I'm not having much luck. And let's just say:

Febreze + Odour de Vomit = YUMMY

People are always asking me about Eskimos, but there are no Eskimos in Iceland.

You haven't lived until you have listened to my husband try to (poorly) imitate an Icelandic accent. Not that I know what an actual Icelandic accent sounds like. I just know it doesn't sound like the girl from Journey to the Center of the Earth. (Post-edit: Behold the power of the internet, and also dumb me. Guess I really DON'T know what an Icelandic accent sounds like because the actress that PLAYS the Icelandic chick in Journey to the Center of the Earth is actually FROM ICELAND. Well now.)

You haven't finished your milk. We can't put it back in the cow, you know.

Saturday marked the first day when Alice got all of her milk from a sippy cup. I had eliminated her two daytime bottles back in March, but I hadn't done anything about the first-bottle-of-the-day and the nightcap bottle, right before bed. Talk about stress, man. I did my best to take it in stride, but when Alice didn't drink any milk in the morning, any milk in the early afternoon, and then ANY milk before bed? I was a wee bit stressed. She drank some water, but it wasn't enough to make up for the nearly 12 ounces of dairy she'd been putting down before. Sunday dawned a new day, and I told myself that if things weren't getting better by afternoon, I'd examine my goal and see if I should make a change (like just remove the evening bottle, but keep the morning one). And... afternoon came and I decided that I could give it one more day. She didn't drink milk in the morning. She didn't drink milk in the afternoon. She barely put some down at dinner. What she did drink was a healthy dose of Pedialite, which I gave her telling Chip it was Gatorade for babies. He tried to drink a little and told me that it was DEFINITELY NOT GATORADE FOR BABIES because it was, in his words, "AWFUL". So again I told myself last night that if things hadn't gotten better by Monday morning, I'd just revert and not make a big deal out of it. But lo and behold, this morning Miss Alice actually DRANK HER MILK. FROM THE SIPPY.

I was going to ask you guys if anyone had some experience with this whole sippy cup switch for milk (she's been drinking from sippies for a long while now, but it's been exclusively water), but now, NOW I'M FEELING ALL SMUG AND STUFF. Behold my MENSA child who has figured out that she can actually drink the cow juice from a cup like the rest of us. My advice to anyone contemplating the switch: give it two and a half days. There. That's the end of my advice. Aren't I so helpful and stuff?

Now that I've done my best to bore you to tears with some of the Whimsy-brand Mundane, I'm curious to see who can name all the quotes I listed (and also annihilated) in this post. Game on, folks.


Alice said...

hee, how a propos that you have a tag called "bleurgh"!

i am crap at quotes, so i'm not even going to try.

the image of snuggling with a vomity child is going to stay with me for a while, though.... :-)

Anonymous said...

Apocalypse now....
I don't know the second one but it will bother me because it's RIGHT THERE....
Bjork? I assume, she's the only icelander I can think of...
The andy griffith show!

Such random quotes, it's good to know you're well rounded.

Megan said...

With my first I only gave her juice or water in a sippy and the milk was always in the bottle. To this day, 10 years later she still isn't a milk drinker. So I learned with the others, milk in the sippy. Rilynn has no problem and could easily go without warm milk in a bottle before bed...but I still get her one. I think it's about time for the switch before this other baby comes...but I just don't want her to grow up! Will it be bad for a Kindergartener to have a bottle still? :)

Megan said...

Oh...and I feel for you with the whole vomit thing. I just can't comment much on that right now. With this pregnancy, snot and throw-up just isn't cool. In fact just talking about it...I think i just threw up a bit in my mouth! :)

Eleanor Q. said...

Long post = long comments.

1. I am so going to loose the game because your quotes are probably from some movie that everyone thought was hi-larious that I never found funny. Its always that way with these quote games.

2. Try washing the pack n play parts with baking soda it will help with the vomity smell.

3. As for the sippy cup thing, Fussbot wouldn't drink out of his either and I called the ped's office and she told me to stop being "weak" and hold out long enough so he would eventually get thirsty enough and drink his milk from the sippy. After 2 days of me calling asking "umm, are you sure this is the way to do it?" he finally caved and now we are in the Mensa club too.

4. I think you should have a contest, pick me as the winner and then send some tasty circus animals. Mmm.

5. Fussbot has a black eye right now. We won the "bad parent of the month" award for April. You can have May.

M said...

We LOVE Miss Sarah in Georgia! You'll have to ask her to tell her your story. It's a GOOD one!

I'm sorry about the vomity. That is gross...and I feel for all of you.

I'm also sorry about the funk. Anything I might do to cheer you? I made a funny video of the Boy scooting around and gnawing on various unsanitary things...I could send you that!

Amy said...

I love weird and random. :)

We haven't quite made the complete switcheroo to milk in a sippy although Nate will drink milk from the sippy during the day. I'm taking your sound advice and will start tomorrow with the sippy only conversion.

Speaking of being a bad mom... our dog bit Nate. Like go to the ER bit him - no stitches thankfully but STILL. I'm definitely not going to get the mom of the year award this year. I've been so mortified to even say it out loud much less tell the internets.

Spadoman said...

I'm up early as usual. I was wandering around the blogs and I came here and was quite impressed. I could tell you stories on just about every subject you mentioned.

For instance, we have a cookie factory right here in River Falls, WI where I live. We get great cookies there in great big bags for less than the grocery store! I'll have to do a post on it. I promise I will. I'd do it now, but I'd need pictures. I can't get out and take them until daylight.

Then there's the vomit. I have a great story about ice fishing with my first born when she was about 3. I'll have to tell that one too. She threw up in my pocket and i didn't find it until the next day wen i put on my jacket!

I worked with a family from Iceland. Jon, Valdi and Mahya, (pronounced Yone, Vald-ee and my-ya) and they could drink Ernest Hemingway under the table. They all were in their 50's and had not one gray hair, really!!

So you see, I wasn't board at all. I am inspired. I can relate. Funny j=how that happens.

Now, sing this ditty to Alice from me. Tell her I am Grandpa, (not her Grandpa, but a Grandpa none the less):

Throw up all the food you ate
Puke Puke Puke

What quotations?

Spadoman said...

PS Sorry about the typos. I was doing the fat fingered mambo again.

Spadoman said...

OH, and the bottle/sippy cup thing. I have stories there too!

By the way, we call them bah bah's here in Spadoville. As in:

"Hey, Where's my bah bah?"

"What was in it?"


*** said...

I want Spadoman for my grandpa.

One night, determined to let Max "cry it out" so he could *finally* learn to sleep through the night, I found him in the morning in all vomitose--he had cried so hard, he made himself throw up. And it was because of me. And I didn't even check on him till morning.

Heather S