Friday, January 4, 2008

M.F.E.O. (that's made for each other, folks)

We went to our first Birth and Labor class last night. Not only did I learn some stuff and sit on the floor and do breathing exercises with a bunch of strangers, I also received further confirmation that Chip and I are MFEO (see above, slackers) – TRU LOVE 4EVA – CHIP+WHIMSY – HEART HEART HEART, you get the idea.

The evening started with some marginally scary driving conditions – Chip drove downtown to pick me up and then we traversed across the 520 bridge to get to the hospital. In very slick conditions. All I’m saying is there might have been a couple of near-traffic mishaps. Ahem. All of which were totally forgiven and forgotten when yours truly INSISTED that we should park in the SILVER parking garage area because we were meeting in the RED AUDITORIUM and we NEEDED TO BE THERE EARLY because NOTHING IS AS EMBARASSING AS SHOWING UP TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS LATE and by the way I HAVE TO FIND A BATHROOM RIGHT NOW blah blah blah. Chip took it all like a champ. And proceeded to tote around our two pillows, insisting that it felt really funny to be carrying pillows around in public. And then we had a pillow fight in the elevator, because: WHY NOT and also when are we gonna get a chance to do that again (besides next week).

Once we arrived at the red auditorium, it was strangely empty and silent. We were early. So we took a walk down the long and rambling hospital hallways. Dude – do they MAKE hospitals with a clear floor plan? No. No I don’t think that ever happens. Anyway, we realized that time was growing short so we jetted BACK to the red section only to discover that we were at the wrong room. This was once resident genius Whimsy checked the room schedule posted on the wall. Uhhhh. So then we clomped BACK down the meandering hallways to find the right place. We arrived SECONDS before the class started, of course. And had to sit at the front of the large semi-circle of pregnant women and pillow-toting partners.

The instructor got the party started soon after by telling us about herself and then asking us to share just a little bit about ourselves in the form of our names, due date, gender of baby, and ONE WORD WE THINK OF WHEN WE THINK OF LABOR. Note this last thing, because it’s important.

I started sweating as soon as Instructor Lady was all, “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves!” because I was sitting at the first chair and I HATE that stuff. I’m shy, introverted, and also terribly verbose (try that combo on for size). I usually wind up saying TOO MUCH of something dumb and then berate myself because I feel like a giant dork. Thankfully, Instructor Lady (let’s call her Cindy) started on the other side of the semi-circle. Each time someone listed their word to describe labor, Cindy would write it down on the whiteboard at the front of the room. After couple 1, and then couple 2, and then COUPLE 3 used words like “miraculous”, “wonderful”, and “blessing from above” to describe LABOR, I knew Chip and I were sunk. I turned to him and whispered, “I’m thinking MESSY.” He started to laugh and whispered back, “I was thinking THE EXACT SAME WORD. It’s totally MESSY!” (see above re: MFEO) After a few more couples, Cindy finally found someone ACTUALLY THINKING OF HER QUESTION – WHICH WAS A WORD TO DESCRIBE LABOR, PEOPLE—and the dude said, “unknown” and that’s when Cindy busted out the RED MARKER. All the other fluffy words were in a nice soothing green color. And then U-N-K-N-O-W-N was scribbled on the board all red and blaring. There were a couple more RED words – but mostly people kept saying things like “beautiful” and “super duper” and “hearts and puppies” TO DESCRIBE THE PROCESS OF LABOR? REALLY? Cindy gets to Chip and he says something self-deprecating and funny (I just met this girl) and then busts out his word: TERRIFYING (just kidding – he came up with something else, but for the life of me, I can’t remember it with my gnat-sized temporal lobe). At my turn, of course I said too much – and then stuck to my guns and blurted out MESSY, because I’m stubborn and I wanted my RED word to keep Chip’s RED word company. We are so MFEO, people!

At this point, Cindy congratulates the class on all the wonderful GREEN words that they used to describe this beautiful and incredible event (it’s still messy, yes it is). Blah blah blah you should all be so PROUD of yourselves because you’re so much more highly evolved from our classroom 12-year-olds sitting on this side of the semi-circle – Chip and Whimsy I’m looking at YOU.

Anyway, I'm making way too much of this because I think the entire thing was just hilarious and relationship-affirming. If we’re going to be 12-year-olds, at least we’re 12-year-olds together, you know?

The rest of the class was pretty good, barring the most uncomfortable chairs known to man. It got even better when we got down on the floor (with the pillows!) during the last 30 minutes of the class and did a relaxation exercise where we needed to focus on one object in the room.

At the end of class, Chip and I were walking out (toward the bathroom, naturally), amazed and amused by the entire experience (and we get to do it for four more weeks!). Chip informed me that during the relaxation exercise thingy he had to stop himself from thinking of Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite (Now, just imagine you’re weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.).

Turns out we focused on the same ceiling speaker thingy during the relaxation exercise. MFEO, indeed.


stacie d said...

i loooove this!! for so many reasons. it's one of my whimsy favorites!

Tessie said...

Well, I hope those moon-eyed pansies enjoy their high NOW, because if BEAUTIFUL is the first word that comes to mind, in my (bitchy) opinion you are woefully unprepared.

We made it to 1 of 4 birthing classes before AD was born. Which is, uh, why they tell you to do it at least a month before the baby is born.

Tessie said...

Due. I meant one month before the baby is DUE. No way to tell when the baby will be BORN, which is the whole POINT.

Whimsy said...

See I just KNEW that if I'd been taking this class with some of you, we'd have all been on the same page. As it was, Chip & I were certainly a bit more, um, ascerbic than most of our classmates.

And dude, I so want to get through all 5 classes because we get the cool hospital/room tour during the last class. I'm all about having Cindy show us our "room amenities" - including a demonstration of "how the bed works". I'm weird like that.

Heidi said...

LOL! Oh, this brings back memories! The pillows... the semicircle... the relaxation exercises. :)

I loved all of our classes and I hope you enjoy them, too!

Artemisia said...

Those folks with the green words totally have those personalities that seek to please the pack leader.

Brown nosers!

Chip said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Whimsy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Whimsy said...

Last two comment-deletes are courtesy of me, because I'm getting sticky fingers and accidentally deleted both a comment from Chip and a comment from myself. Duh.

You'd think it's FRIDAY or something.

By the way, Chip's word was INSANE. And he thinks I'm fantastic. And he's going to give me a nice foot rub tonight. What! That's TOTALLY what he wrote!

ailene said...

I love childbirth classes! They are so much fun! I can relate to the pillow toting thing... hahahaha... :)

tearese said...

I never took a group childbirth class; sounds like we missed out! We took one at a friends house, because they used to be certified instructors. Joseph and I couldn't stop giggling when we had to picture stuff like that either.
I love the Uncle Rico reference. Haha!