Wednesday, September 17, 2008

i swear i can hear things in the static

An abrupt change of subject is in order here at The Creamery - both because I am BORED with the topic of the never-ending TEETHING FRACTIOUSNESS and because I am scaring off my readers. If that wasn't so true, it would be funny.

So you get this:

We are driving to Alice's 6-month check-up at the Pediatrician's. We are running about 10 minutes late when we notice that there is a lot of roadwork being done just ahead of us, and as we get closer, we spot a roadworker flagger dude standing on the side of the road. He is flipping his little STOP/SLOW road sign around and around, and quite frankly, I have no idea what he's doing. Are we supposed to stop? To go? To just point? As we get closer, the dude flips the sign to the STOP side and then (ever-so-slowly) approaches our car to talk to Chip, the driver. I am SO IRRITATED because now I know we are going to be late for Alice's appointment.

FLAGGER DUDE: Sir! When a certified Washington State DOT Flagger is wangling his sign at you, you are supposed to slow your car to an acceptable speed.

CHIP [first mutters something about how we don't have time for this under his breath and then asks the Flagger:] Really - so what speed should I have been going sir?

FLAGGER: You were clearly going too fast.

CHIP: I was going 15 miles an hour. There were cars ahead of me going faster than that.

FLAGGER: Much much too fast, sir.

CHIP: How fast should I have been going?

FLAGGER: Slower than you were traveling.

CHIP: So how fast should I have been going?

FLAGGER: I've seen cars travel 5 miles an hour too fast.

CHIP: So really - how fast should I have been going?

FLAGGER: 5 miles an hour.

CHIP: Great. Thanks for your time here. You're doing a great job.

[Flagger walks away, leaving Chip even more irritated than before. Flagger proceeds to keep us sitting there for another 5 minutes.

Later, after some contemplation, I have this to add:
WHIMSY: Did he really say "wangling a sign"? I... don't know anything about sign wangling. Do they teach that in flagger school?

And I want to know if anyone else gets a little weirded-out by white noise. We play a considerable amount of it around here, especially in Alice's room when she's sleeping. But I swear I can hear things in the static. I am half-expecting to start receiving late night messages in Bean's room monitor. This can't be a good development.


stephanie said...

ME!! I hear stuff -- usually music -- in white noise!! I thought I was teetering on the edge of crazy. Maybe I am? Maybe WE are!!

The Wife said...

I love white noise...although the downside is that I can be holding the Boy and listening to the static and start to drift a bit and that's just not safe when you're holding 11 pounds of Boy against GRAVITY.

Anyway. Sign wangling...yeah, we don't get that in the SOUTH!

Kathy said...

Wangling? Nice.

Alice said...

ooh, i don't listen (?) to much white noise. i'm sure i'd hear things though, i hear things all the time without even the excuse of having static in the background :-)

i would have been SO. EFFING. PISSED. at the sign wangler. wangler?! seriously?!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, I always heard stuff in the white noise, and I just assumed we all heard it, until I told my husband about out and he looked at me like I was out of my ever loving mind. Maybe it's a mom thing?
At that point I was just happy that I wasn't hearing the baby screaming, pretty much. All other noises were fine by me.

artemisia said...

I am glad I waited to take a sip of coffee - I laughed out loud at the static messages! Oh, my.

I would have lost my sh*t at the sign WANGLER.

wandering nana said...

I have never heard of white noise until I moved here. I don't understand why people have to have a sound going on while they are sleeping. I like silence... total, uninterrupted silence (you can imagine how well I did with new borns... they were in their own room by 2 weeks old). I've seen the guys move their signs up and down but did not realize it was called wrangling. Some people get carried away with the power of a sign..