anti-marketing plan

Attention Large Magazine Publishing Giant:

If you are interested in the demise of any of your home / decorating / design magazines, please send me a subscription. I have a brilliant track record of subscribing to a magazine and having it fold just a short several months later.


In my resume so far:

Domino = fabulous no more

Blueprint Magazine = the publishing equivalent of a quick death, like choking on a piece of hotdog

Cottage Living = not living

Home Companion = no longer this home's companion


And speaking of magazines, the September issue of Martha Stewart Living has a picture of Martha on the cover. She appears to NOT be wearing any pants. I keep seeing the cover out of the corner of my eye and doing repeated spit-takes because my mind is simply not equipped for a pantsless Martha Stewart. I'm putting this aside in your letter, dear Magazine Publishing Giant, because Martha's magazine has clearly been given a reprieve from the Whimsy-Subscription-Death phenomena -- and although one could argue that it is the brilliance of her magazine that has it being saved from magazine death, I would assert that there is barely a breath of Living's former brilliance that is covering the pages of Pantsless Martha's Mag. So instead, I'm going with deal-with-the-Devil. Or deal-with-YOU, oh MegaLarge Publishing Machine Giant. Please take care of Martha's pants.

And send me some more magazines that you'd like to DIE because I'm good at that.

Yours,
Whimsy


P.S.
Seriously. Fix her pants.

P.P.S.
Those other magazines were so much more INTERESTING than Living. And far less STUFFY and STODGY, btw.

P.P.P.S.
And you'd never catch any of their editors lazing pantsless on the magazine cover. I'm just saying.