Wednesday, September 2, 2009

anti-marketing plan

Attention Large Magazine Publishing Giant:

If you are interested in the demise of any of your home / decorating / design magazines, please send me a subscription. I have a brilliant track record of subscribing to a magazine and having it fold just a short several months later.

In my resume so far:

Domino = fabulous no more

Blueprint Magazine = the publishing equivalent of a quick death, like choking on a piece of hotdog

Cottage Living = not living

Home Companion = no longer this home's companion

And speaking of magazines, the September issue of Martha Stewart Living has a picture of Martha on the cover. She appears to NOT be wearing any pants. I keep seeing the cover out of the corner of my eye and doing repeated spit-takes because my mind is simply not equipped for a pantsless Martha Stewart. I'm putting this aside in your letter, dear Magazine Publishing Giant, because Martha's magazine has clearly been given a reprieve from the Whimsy-Subscription-Death phenomena -- and although one could argue that it is the brilliance of her magazine that has it being saved from magazine death, I would assert that there is barely a breath of Living's former brilliance that is covering the pages of Pantsless Martha's Mag. So instead, I'm going with deal-with-the-Devil. Or deal-with-YOU, oh MegaLarge Publishing Machine Giant. Please take care of Martha's pants.

And send me some more magazines that you'd like to DIE because I'm good at that.


Seriously. Fix her pants.

Those other magazines were so much more INTERESTING than Living. And far less STUFFY and STODGY, btw.

And you'd never catch any of their editors lazing pantsless on the magazine cover. I'm just saying.


Amanda said...

Now I must find the cover and see pantsless Martha.

Swistle said...

I purchased something on Amazon recently and SURPRISE got a free subscription to Living, which I think must mean it's Dying, because GEEZUS a whole year free? for buying, like, a CD?

ANYWAY, now I'm super-hoping they send me the pantless issue so I can see what you mean.

wandering nana said...

Now I have to go and look at Martha to see this new revelation. I don't do magazines.... I admire those of you who do... I just don't... I'm old, I'm experienced, so after years of subscribing to different magazines, Better Homes (still waiting for this subscrip to end), Martha (1 yr), McCalls (does it still exist?), Woman's Day (does it still exist?) and even 6 months of People, I decided it was time to end my quilt trip... I don't think I read any of them, maybe looked at the pictures, but would feel bad as they would sit lonely, ignored (except when kids needed to make a collage).
I finally realized I was not to be a magazine subscriber... so that's my novel. "}

M said...

Man, Cottage Living was a brilliant magazine! I was starting to wonder why I could never find it on the newsstand. I thought it was just living in the South. That bums me out.

Pantsless Martha? Seriously? I kind of want to check it out but I'm also kind of scared.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I LOVED Cottage Living and was bummed when it went under. The publishers thought I'd like to finish out my subscription with Southern Living - hello? So very different.

I wrote several letters and got them to extend my Health subscription.

Martha is pant less? That's just wrong.