dance party usa

Yesterday I commented on a Swistle post about a watch she found at Target. The girl can find DEALS where the rest of us would be all, "Whaaaa?" and "Help me get the baby in this cart" and "Dude! Movies!" and "Dollar bins! Let's see what we can find!" then Swistle would come trundling past us poor Target Simpletons with her cart piled high with extraordinary bargains. So knowing this fun fact about Swistle, I asked her yesterday to do a Target Bargain Shopping Primer for the rest of us. (Which, heavens to betsy - she did do, in her comments, and it gives me HOPE that the rest of us can learn to Swistle Shop.) But the point is, my comment started me thinking about the word "primer". In my head, I pronounce it PRIME-ER even though I know it is supposed to be PRIM-ER. Another word I mispronounce in my head: papyrus (which I pronounce PAP-EE-RUS). That one's gotten me in trouble, when I've seen the PAP-EE-RUS store in the mall (shopping with Chip) and I busted out with HEY LET'S GO INSIDE PAP-EE-RUS! Then he laughed at me until he cried.


* * * * *


We have been on this road trip for approximately 43 years. Or eight days, depending how you look at it. We have stayed in the following locations: Vancouver, WA (1 night), Portland, OR (1 night), Eugene, OR (1 night), San Francisco, CA (3 nights), Medford, OR (1 night), and Portland, OR (1 night). We are FINALLY on our way home today, to Seattle-ish, WA (as many nights as I can muster). Because dooooood. I am tired. For every stop we make, we unpack no less than 5 bags, 2 pillows, 1 Blankie, and 1 Alice. That is WITHOUT a Pack N Play, which we accidentally and stupidly left at home. I KNOW, right? We can't believe we forgot it, either. That Chip is a studly man, because while I'm usually wrestling Alice in the hotel room and letting her run wild, spilling Cheerios all over the floor, Chip is unpacking the 5 bags, 2 pillows, and 1 Blankie from the car and bringing it into the room. The upside of all this madness? We are EXPERTS at this. And also still deranged and crazy. I'm thinking of writing some posts about the travel details, because maybe it'll help the future generations or something. That, and it will be AWESOME to look back on it in five years and laugh at myself (because by then we'll be using Star Trek TRANSPORTERS to get us places in the blink of an eye, right?).


* * * * *


Has anyone started Solace of Leaving Early yet? I'm so curious about what you guys think about it. Has anyone thrown the book across the room because you can't stand Langston? If you have, go grab that book right now and keep reading it. I promise. Keep reading.


* * * * *


Outside Arbuckle, California; passing through farmland.
Whimsy (wrinkles nose and starts making gagging noises): WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
Chip: Probably tomatoes.
Whimsy: You mean the smell of the fertilizer they PUT ON the tomatoes, right?
Chip: No. It's tomatoes.
Whimsy: You must be joking. Tomatoes, no matter how much you HATE them, don't smell that bad.
Chip: They do when they fall off the trucks. You should see them - they load up these trucks with huge mounds of tomatoes and then when the truck turns the corner, the tomatoes go -splat-, -splat-, -splat-... tomatoes all over.

A few minutes later...
Chip: Now do you smell that?
Whimsy: Um, not really. I think I'm just smelling that brilliant-smelling hand sanitizer wipe thing.
Chip: Really?
Whimsy: Oh wait a minute. Yes, yes I do smell that. It's awesome. What is it?
Chip: Pears.
Whimsy: Wow. I approve of that smell.
Chip: I see that phrase in our future.


* * * * *


I can't believe we watched it last night, but if you had walked into our room at 9pm PST, you would have found us watching the television show, Shaq Vs.*

I know. I just... I know. There were MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES, which involved a small girl-child and A HORRID SLEEPING ISSUE that can only be covered in ALL CAPS. But I don't want to talk about it. Yuck. Suffice it to say that it was bad enough to force us to watch terrible, terrible television.



* In case you don't know what it is (oh I hope): Shaq Vs. has ginormous basketball player Shaquille O'Neal competing against a bunch of other professional athletes in their own sports. Last night's episode? Shaq boxed against Oscar De LaHoya. It was... surreal. Next week he's apparently going up against Michael Phelps.


* * * * *


And then, also last night, after Alice spent a significant portion of the evening dancing on the conference room table (listening to her new favorite band, The Beastie Boys)--- in the fifteen minutes prior to her bath, when Alice was running around our hotel room naked, SHE POOPED ON THE FLOOR.

So we're really ready to go home. Which is a good thing, since we're headed there now. And the poop on the floor? I DO NOT APPROVE OF THAT SMELL, fyi.