s is for severely sleep-deprived

I am thisclose to taking Bean in for couple's counseling, for surely if there ever was a couple who needed the counseling it is Bean and her once-beloved sleep.

I am guessing there was some cataclysmic event that sent them both over the edge, all FINE! FINE! I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN! (slams door)

We've tried to talk to sleep, reminding him that he is much older and wiser than Bean and he really needs to take the higher ground, but his response each time is to quietly sigh and then say that he'll be there for her when she's ready. But she has to take the first step.

Try to make a toddler TAKE THE FIRST STEP. And into SLEEP, at that? Yeah................ so.

We are mystified. Beyond mystified, we are STYMIED, people. As soon as we put her in her crib (or any crib, since this is happening even when we're on the road as we are this week in Portland)--- there are tears and crying out for DADDYDADDYDADDYDADDY!!!! (Chip has spent the last two nights laying on the floor in front of her crib until she falls asleep) And that's not all, nope. We have Early! Morning! Waking! (like FOUR O-CLOCK IN THE MORNING, EARLY MORNING) And she won't go back to sleep. WON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP, PEOPLE. She wants to be up! For the day! AT FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. This is the kind of thing that makes me die inside. At this point in our early parenting career, we feel a little bit ENTITLED to the early morning sleep. WE'VE EARNED IT. So this kind of freakish return-to-babyhood stuff WITHOUT the benefit of the chubby baby thighs and the baby smell? TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

We've tried reasoning with her, telling her to go back to sleep (TEARS AND SHOUTING). We've tried to lay her back down (TEARS AND SHOUTING). We've even brought her back to bed with us and while we mostly avoid the TEARS AND SHOUTING---from Bean, there is plenty of TEARS AND SHOUTING from me and my liver as she pummels me with her little feet of fury. Also: there isn't any additional sleep having from any of the three of us.

There was a point yesterday evening, just as we were about to eat dinner, when Chip looked at me through nearly-crossed eyes and said, "I can't figure out why I've wanted to just lay down and DIE today. That, or fall asleep." I had to remind him that he'd been awake since BEFORE THE SUN ROSE.

So. Before we ship her off to Intensive Couples Therapy I'm begging for merciful help from all you nice people. Tell me what is wrong. Tell me what to DO. And tell me that this isn't going to cause me to BURST INTO FLAME, though I'm afraid that it already has (FLAMES! ACTUAL LIVING FLAMES OF FIRE!).




*Let me also add: not enough CAPS IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE TO FULLY EXPLAIN OUR BEWILDERMENT AND UTTER DESPAIR OVER THE ISSUE OF THE SLEEP. Please help. Yes. Please do that.