sleep cycles

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It's the weirdest thing... I realize that I haven't talked much about the nuts and bolts of Life with Alice. I don't know why, exactly, other than I worried it would be boring or sound indulgent or open up all kinds of ways for y'all to tell me that I'm Doing It Wrong (not that you really would do this - you're such a kind and polite lot).

Anyway, I'm ignoring any previous misgivings to talk to you about sleep, the lack thereof, and feeding a newborn. I'm going to apologize now if this scares any of my first-time pregnant readers. Because DUDE.

When we first brought Alice home, she had already lost some weight. She was just an itsy thing to begin with, this loss of weight wasn't optimal. By the time of her first check-up, she had lost almost 10% of her body weight and they put us on a crazy 2-hour feeding schedule. This was in addition to extra feeding measures like supplemental formula fed to her through a tube and syringe that we were instructed to slip into her mouth while she was breastfeeding - using the glorious doodad known as the NIPPLE SHIELD. (Girl was chewing the life out of my nipples.) None of this was easy. There were moments at 2 and 3am when it was Chip and I freakishly hunched over my own nipple, me holding a crying red-faced newborn while we attempted to fashion the Engineering Masterpiece comprised of nipple, nipple shield, tube (of the aforementioned Tube and Syringe fabulousness), and baby's lips - somehow ensuring that the tube (of the Tube and Syringe combo you've heard so much about) was correctly winding up through the nipple shield and into Bean's mouth and not back down UNDER the nipple shield where it would then fountain a delicious combination of formula and breastmilk into my unsuspecting lap. I am surprised that Chip and I didn't kill each other. And this WAS NOT ALL. Add to this a requirement for me to pump for breast milk after each feeding - you know, to establish my supply... Let's be logical now. When a baby is on a 2-hour feeding schedule, it means that you're counting the two hours from the beginning of one feeding session to the beginning of the next. If the feeding session lasts, say, nearly an HOUR and you put the baby down to sleep after changing her diaper, you're giving her maybe 45-minutes to sleep. After which, Mama is then pumping for breast milk for 15 minutes (add on a few extra minutes for set-up and for clean-up). This leaves Mama MAYBE 20-30 minutes of sleeping time. And that's if Mama literally leaps into bed after pumping. Which isn't realistic. Mama needs to do little things like pee and eat and maybe even SHOWER. This goes on ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. By the time I'd done this craziness for 3 days, I was completely unhinged. I found myself crying to the lactation specialist that I just COULDN'T KEEP THIS UP MUCH LONGER PLEASE SAVE ME. They extended Bean's feeding schedule to 3 hours.

In time, things got better. Bean started gaining weight. We discontinued the tube/syringe business (and promptly burned the entire contraption and then ran over the ashes with our car - repeatedly). Eliminating the tube/syringe madness QUITE LITERALLY SAVED OUR MARRIAGE. We finally allowed poor Alice to feed on-demand and sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time (choir of ANGELS).

Our whole system has leveled out some around here, and I'm feeling a bit more human. I can speak nearly complete sentences! Our nights are much more manageable. Alice seems to now understand that night means night and it's sleepy time. She usually goes down around 11:30pm and then sleeps through until 4 or even 5am. At this point, Chip changes her diaper and brings her to me. He goes back to sleep and I feed Alice. I can usually get her back to sleep around 6 or 6:30am and we both sleep for another 2 hours. It isn't too bad. A person actually can get used to sleeping in 2-hour increments.

My biggest challenge is during the day. This is where I'm begging for ideas, suggestions, and the gladly welcomed Oh I went through that too. When Bean wakes up at 8:30am, I feed her again and she'll usually go back down until 11/11:30am. In this 2-3 hour window I attempt to eat breakfast, get ready for the day (ha HA), do laundry, clean up any dishes, pay bills - generally try to take care of my day's business because once she wakes up at 11am, all bets are off and Alice becomes THE BABY THAT WILL NOT STOP EATING. When she wakes up, I change her diaper. She is smiling and happy and wonderful. We play. We have tummy time. We do whatever household stuff mommy can do with one hand. I sit down to feed her. And then I don't get up again for 6 HOURS. Do you think I'm kidding? K came over the other day and couldn't believe that in the time she fed, cuddled, changed two diapers, got her little cutie down for a nap, ate lunch that Chip made for us (what a great guy), and had a thoroughly enjoyable visit, I was still feeding Bean.

I have done the whole thing of keeping her awake, trying to keep her alert to drink her fill. She just keeps eating. When she does sort of pass out, the second I put her in her bed - she's awake, alert, and if I try to leave her in her bed for a bit, she cries. And it's not a bored cry, a tired cry - it's a HUNGRY cry.

Has anyone else had this happen? What a great Dear Abby this would be: Dear Abby, I have a 5-week-old infant stuck to my boobs for 6 hours every day. What's a girl to? Alice is an angel of a baby. She is the easiest baby first-time parents could ask for. She is seriously perfect. So I feel bad even mentioning this marathon feeding business. But at the same time, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. Either everyone goes through this and they just keep is a lovely GROUP SECRET, or I'm just wonderfully lucky that my baby is addicted to my boobs. I don't think this is a growth phase because it's been going on for 3 weeks.

Her doctor has checked her out, and she's perfectly healthy. She is gaining weight in all the right ways, and everything looks good. She just has a bottomless stomach and a very efficient waste management system.

If anyone needs me between 11 and 6, you know where I'll be.