Tuesday, July 1, 2008

only in dreams

What do you think babies dream about? Milk and chewy fingers and their parents' faces. Smiling green froggies and colorful taggie blankets and someone nibbling on their toes. It's hard to imagine that too much has happened in the (nearly) four months Alice has been alive that would prompt her to have nightmares, but amidst all her dreams, she has the bad variety too. For the longest time we've tried to imagine what could be haunting her, what could be so very terrible to wake her form a sound sleep crying - her face crumpling up into itself in a pinky red mess: lower lip jutting out, eyes squinting into little slits, big tears collecting in puddles on her cheeks. Some of our nightmare theories have included giant sadistic blankets coming to wrap her in the night, a demonic bottle that appears full but won't give her any milk no matter now hard she sucks, and the dreaded Moby - wrapped around her body so tight she can't see over her mommy's shoulder!!! Duh duh DAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Terrible, I know.

After all our theories, I finally came up with the real answer, the thing that haunts a baby's dreams, threatening her with it's looming presence.

I think that the babies have some kind of secret Baby Bogey sucker 101 seminar in the hospital (complete with flowcharts and a whiteboard with Tips for Avoiding the Sucking of the Bogeys). It's either that or they are just born with the innate hatred of the baby bogey sucker thingie as is traditional for NATURAL ENEMIES. I swear Alice has some serious ninja skills when it comes to avoiding the bogey sucker thingie and its entrance into her nose holes.

It appears that the actual scientific name of the blue baby bogey sucker thingie is BABY BOOGER SUCKER because that's what I entered to find it in Google.

And let me just add that I found some other frightening bogey devices on Amazon.

Such as the Baby Nasal Aspirator Vacuum Suction. Huh?

Are we really serious about this Japan? Because.... REALLY? Baby Nose Cleaning Tweezers.

Yes, they are serious about it. Deathly serious. Check out that IMAGE with the MOM SUCKING THE BOGEYS OUT OF BABY'S NOSE. WITH HER MOUTH.

Apparently, everything is made better with batteries. Including bogey sucking.

And I'm sorry, but making it into the jaunty SHAPE OF A BEAR with the name of BENJAMIN BEAR isn't going to change Alice's innate desire NOT to have something shoved up her nose. I'm just saying.


artemisia said...

Poor Alice! The packaging on the Japanese items is hilarious, though. Maybe Alice will laugh about it in 20 years?

Stacey said...

I used to wonder the same thing and asked my husband what could a baby possibly have nightmares over. He said he could be dreaming of going through the birth canal again, or maybe that he was being circumcized all over again. OK, maybe that would cause nightmares too.

Anonymous said...

gotta tell you that the battery powered boogie sucker saved my life a lot, although the one we purchased that plays "soothing sounds" was definitely NOT soothing. S was fine with the device itself - actually turning her face up to let me suck the boogies, but then if I turned on the "soothingsounds", all bets were off. K8