A simple instruction guide for toddlers who desire to get a head start on the magical age known as TWO (an age that the adults seem to actually FEAR).
Step 1: Allow your parents to take you to a large Seattle landmark in order for your mother to meet a very old friend.
Step 2: Wait for your parents to ask you to give mom's old friend a hug. Do everything BUT what they ask you to do.
Step 3: Lull your parents into thinking they are going to get a picture with you. Once seated, insist on standing up. Once standing, insist that neither one of them TOUCH you, even if you are teetering precariously on the edge of a wall.
Step 4: Make the friend laugh uncontrollably by saying MEE-O MEE-O MEE-O MEE-O on maniacal repeat.
Step 5: As your parents try to have a leisurely stroll through Seattle Center, sprint to the giant concrete spheres as you shout BALL! BALL! BALL! BALL! BALLBALLBALLBALL! ...and then get very angry when the BALL! does not roll or move. Do your best to ensure you and your mother get run over by several tourists.
Step 6: Take off another 100 feet and shout UPPITY until your dad places you on a large planter. Run forward and back across the planter, then do your best impression of America's Next Top Toddler Model.
Step 7: Allow your parents to think you are starting to get tired by sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. For fun.
Step 8: Allow yourself to finally be caught and kissed by the visiting friend. Know that you've done a good deed. Not everyone gets to kiss a Bean this fabulous.