Thursday, January 8, 2009

chip dips

Coming out of the shower, Chip leans into Whimsy--
Chip: I really hate that new razor. Look at what it did to my face!
Whimsy surveys the damage, though she really doesn't see anything except for a little cut on his chin
Whimsy: It doesn't look so bad.
Chip: Really???

Five days later, Chip and Whimsy are watching TV when the commercial for some Ultra Stupendous Hair Removal Pad comes on.
Chip: It's not like you even noticed.
Whimsy: Huh? What are you talking about?
Chip: I even had you LOOK at my face the other day and you didn't notice.
Whimsy turns to stare at Chip's face and notices that there is an actual Mustache Shadow on Chip's upper lip
Whimsy: You mean the Almost Mustache you've got there? I'm sorry, dude. You're just not a Hairy Guy. Would it make you feel better if I called you Magnum?
Chip: After five days, I've still got nothing.

- - - - -

Chip is pretending to tap dance frantically across the living room until he stumbles over Alice's shape sorter toy and makes a loud noise. Whimsy gives him a withering look and reminds him that Alice is ASLEEP!
Chip: Fine, I'm not going to try to be funny anymore.

- - - - -

Chip is watching Lords of the Dance or Dancing Superstars of the Planet or something along those lines. He motions to Whimsy, who is typing on her laptop at the kitchen table.
Chip: You're missing this! It's a very manly dance!

- - - - -

Chip is examining Whimsy's NEW BLACKBERRY STORM (which replaces the Disco Phone!).
Chip: Wow. You have my game on here. Your bricks look much more lifelike than mine.

- - - - -

Chip: Dude, I'm such a woman.
Whimsy: Why would you say that?
Chip: I'm laying in bed, eating chocolate, watching The Bachelor.

* Disclaimer: The Management (aka "Whimsy") would like to remind visitors to The Creamery that Chip is a very good sport, an extremely loving and devoted husband, and also a very strong and manly man. Although these quotes would make him appear to be otherwise, he is intelligent, funny, and extremely good-looking (had to throw that one in). Whimsy is a lucky girl.


The Wife said...

Awesome. You totally just made my cracking up at the image of Chip in bed with chocolates and watching the Bachelor!

Kristi said...

Too funny! I really wish I could see the Manly Dance he's talking about!!

Pickles and Dimes said...

The tap dancing one is the best.

Alice said...

hee. one of my exes had.. uh.. "difficulties".. growing the facial hair as well. he was very sensitive about it :-)

Cherish said...

The 'such a woman' one was hillarious! He sounds like a very funny guy

wandering nana said...

The Mr had a mustache for years while our daughters were growing up. When they were in college and high school he went to Europe with the older 3.... they came home and he stayed about 4 days extra. When he came home I picked him up, we went home (you can see where I'm going can't you ), we all sat down to listen to his stories and after an hour he asked if we noticed anything... "nope, wait, is that a new shirt? Is that a new watch?" With much frustration he asked if we noticed his mustache was gone. Ohhhhh. (our girls had never seen him without one) Dahhh

Chip said...

This is for anyone out there: It is important for you to know that I’m a dude, and a new-ish dad. And since becoming a dad, I have really gotten in touch with a side that I never knew existed. The best way to describe it is that I feel like I’m in daddy love, because I do dork-daddy stuff. It’s the kind of love that you feel ridiculously obsessed about someone, but its alright and accepted because you are supposed to be obsessed. I can not get enough of my wife and baby girl. This obession makes me do things that are not me,… but they are becoming me. I sometimes burst into song when I’m holding Alice. I start spontaneously tap dancing because I think about Alice watching Bugs Bunny. You know how hurricanes have names, I have named some of the diapers I changed, because its this weird positive daddy attitude. She sneezes on me and I laugh, and I’m a germ-a-phobe! And I cry when my baby girl gets her shots.

I’m a mess, and I can only hope that I grow up fast so I can be the strong foundation that they can always depend on

angelalois said...

my favorites were the lifelike bricks and the bachelor. how funny! Chip will have to keep me posted on Kirkland-boy's rise to love-dom.