Monday, January 5, 2009

mental dental

Alice is developing her own set of real life tried-and-true CHOMPERS, in the form of not one, not two, not four, but five - yes FIVE teeth that are making their way into her mouth. (Two on top, three on bottom.) I'm obviously new at this, and especially new to seeing little teethy-bits where once it was Gum City - but dude her top two front teeth appear to be the size of DINNER PLATES. All the babies that are Alice's age have gotten their bottom teeth first - all cute and tiny and, well, TINY. I have no frame of reference for the top teeth, but every time I get a peek at the tectonic plates that are her pearly whites, I turn into that sailor dude from Titannic: ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD! Or more accurately GINORMOUS TEETH - DEAD AHEAD! I know it's mean to be saying this about my own child. I know! But I keep getting these frightening images of massive teeth making their way across the darkened house to consume me WHOLE. THE TEETH THAT ATE NEW YORK CITY. I can't even think of The Teeth in a normal, uncapitalized, way - they are The Teeth to me. Or, more accurately, THE TEETH.

My sister-in-law M tried to tell me that it's totally normal, that the top two teeth are on the bigger side, and that they'll look absolutely fine once they come in. I can't say that I was a very good listener as she was giving such kind advice because the whole time I was all,
SAVE YOURSELVES! THE TEETH ARE COMING TO GET YOU! THE TEETH WANT YOUR BRAIN!!!

Here's where I could get mushy and sentimental and tell you how strange it is to watch this little baby turn into a tried and true person PERSON, with actual teeth. (Or, THE TEETH - ha!) But, um, as you can see, I'm having a hard time with that. THE TEETH will be waking up and insisting that I feed them some breakfast soon. And I'd hate to disappoint them in any way. They scare me.

6 comments:

Shelly Overlook said...

Your SIL is right, but it is still frightening, isn't it? & it'll be a blessing and a curse if she gets a bunch all at once. The god is that you get a lot of them over with at once, the bad is that the whiny/cranky/pain-filled baby is at least three times as bad. My kid got 8 teeth at once which I thought was freaking ridiculous. However, she had all her teeth well before she was 2 and I could sit back and relax while her peers were still teething.

Oh, and look for nighttime sleep disruptions if she's teething. Sorry, but it seems to be true.

Now, watch out for THE TEETH! They're coming to get you!!!

Amy said...

You crack me up! Nate's just now getting one tooth (10 months today!) but I know what you mean. I feel mean cuz I look at babies with teeth and shudder at the biggies. It's kind of like 7-8 year old kids who have feet the size of a full grown adult on their little bodies. Freaky.

The Importance of being Allen said...

Well you know what they say.... the longer they take to get teeth, the better their teeth are. I don't know if that is really true but I like to say it anyway. How is the Bean's head?

Alice said...

heehee! can we see pictures of THE TEETH! ?

stacie d said...

If blogs existed in the 70s, my mom would have written this exact blog but about THE EYES!!! I didn't get the nickname Bulging Eyeballs in 2nd grade for nothing (thanks to Jason Littlefield)!

I think my point is...it all works out in the end. I grew into my eyes, she'll grow into her teeth. No mommies or daddies will be hurt in the process.

serenity now said...

Okay, I know it's a trifle indelicate, but all I can think about as I read your description of Alice's teeth (THE TEETH, I mean), is are you still nursing? Because, um, if you are, you'll learn soon enough (probably already) that when the baby has teeth, it's a different experience. It's not your brain they're after. May your body be mostly unscathed in the teeth-sprouting process.