Thursday, December 27, 2007

navel gazing

You know, I have to say that we really did have a perfect Christmas. Exactly what we planned, and how we wanted and needed it to be. Thanks to me, the stress level around the house has risen immeasureably as my due date grows closer. We reach the milestone 30-week mark this week, and it's a bit strange to think how quickly the time has gone.

10 weeks until the Bean is full term. How crazy is that?

The nesting instinct has hit and we're working off a 4-page To Do list - typed, of course, and also organized by month and subject because I'm just that crazy. There are other deadlines out there besides March 10. Deadlines for work, deadlines for church activities, deadlines for visitors, deadlines for taxes. It's an interesting exercise, trying to get it ALL done - and knowing that some things are going to fall through the cracks, no matter what. When I'm facing a time crunch for planning, I normally go into Hyper Efficient Mode - trading little things like sleep and food and watching a movie with my husband for the much more rewarding (being sarcastic here) tasks of organizing, planning, preparing, doing, calling, editing, errand-running, delegating, and fretting (I'm good with this last one). The challenge with facing a deadline when the deadline itself is MAJOR LIFE CHANGE and also HEALTH-RELATED is that my body simply won't let me shift into Hyper Efficient Mode. I'm sure there are others of you out there that know exactly what I'm talking about. As much as my brain and my heart and my VERY ORGANIZED SOUL would like to wake at 5am on Saturday to clean out the linen closet, my own body won't let me. My body is tired. My body says that I need that additional hour (or 3) of sleep.

I'm feeling a little betrayed by this here body. Don't get me wrong, I'm taking advantage of whatever crazy juice is currently rocketing through my veins, giving me the Will to Purge the downstairs coat closet, but I just wish I could do more - be more - accomplish more.

I realize that all of these competing desires and needs occur at this time for a specific reason: BALANCE. It's a good thing that the navel-gazing and immense pleasure I get from day dreaming about the Bean's eyelashes can force me to not run a 6-day House Cleaning Marathon. And the ever wonderful, ever patient, ever AMAZING CHIP has proven, yet again, that I married the best darn guy I could have.

I might be tired, cranky, stressed, and in need of an extra month to GET IT ALL DONE-- but I'm also blessed, lucky, and grateful for the time - grateful for the loved ones - grateful for the friends - and grateful for all of the gifts that I do have.


Tessie said...

That's what's so crazy about pregnancy; there is SO MUCH to do and SO LITTLE time when you feel up to doing it.

30 weeks! Hooray!

emily said...

that nesting instinct that you're dealing with gets more and more desperate the closer you get to delivery but that husband of yours will sense it and (lucky you) he'll be calm, cool and collected in his very own cool-as-a-cucumber-Chip way. he'll take good care of you! and Bean - if you come early to surprise us all ... trouble missy!