my wild kingdom twin, catering to the commenters

Last night we were watching Planet Earth, perhaps one of the COOLEST documentaries about our planet, like, ever made. John gave us the series on DVD, but somehow, even when it’s on TV, we still watch it. It’s just breathtaking and freaky and mind-blowing in all the best ways that a nature documentary SHOULD be, you know? Add this to the fact that I just feel like a smarty Fancy Pants while watching it… (just kidding!)

As we were watching the Fresh Water episode last night, I spied with my Whimsy-shaped eye, my wild kingdom twin, the freshwater seal. A couple of days ago I was trying to describe to Chip just what I felt like. I came up with this gem: a bulbous torpedo. Sort of rounded on the ends, but fatter in the middle. There isn’t a lot of bending for that there bulbous torpedo. But even better, in the case of the freshwater seal, I have my true compatriot, my sister, my true twin: the Nerpa. I know I'm just pregnant, not fat. It's something temporary - and I'm actually enjoying most of this pregnancy stuff, even if I COMPLAIN ABOUT IT HERE ALL THE TIME. What has taken me by surprise the most is my lack of bendiness. It’s the weirdest thing, this inability to bend and grab things off the ground without making elephantine grunting noises. And the wheezing and breathlessness! I’ve been assured, by the pregnancy books, that this is a side affect of the increase in lung capacity, but on more than one occasion, when I’ve been trying to keep up with a swifter companion, I’ve seen the look of dude, what’s wrong with you? Hello NERPA. I may not be very agile on land, but watch my incredible skill under water!

In other news, we've got hardwood floors! And cats that are no longer hiding under the bed! And properly-placed furniture! And a refrigerator in its true home: the kitchen! We also have green-spotted carpet, but I just tell myself that it will continue to be a funny story until we replace it sometime in 2012.

There have been a few questions about Fergus' feet, Phoebe's digestion, and other items recently covered. For your reading pleasure, I've created a well-organized list of answers (LOVE ME A LIST).


Cats

Fergus' feet - (or peet if you are my niece C and it’s 6 years ago): Are doing better. The green rubber is an interesting and startling shade of electric blue on his little brown foot pads. He has freed the fingers (or pingers if you are, once again, my niece C and it’s 6 years ago) on one front paw, but the other paw is still fused together. They assure us that this will come free in time.

We're still giving them the cat laxative, or attempting to, at least. Phoebe loves it. Fergus does not. What’s not to love in cod-liver oil infused brown goo that we squeeze from a tube? The kid is PICKY. I’ve also tried some unholy smelling pink pellet-things that are also helpful with the digestion, but after eating them once, Fergus has decided that these, too, are simply beneath him. Anyone have some good suggestions for cat laxative products for picky cats? He’s sort of a texture freak, mostly just eating crunchy things. I know that I’m a pansy and I’m totally spoiling him on this front, but I’ve already tried the smear-it-on-his-flurps routine, as well as the jam-it-down-his-throat method. This is Spockgus we’re talking about here – my little brown stripey baby – and he’s been ANGRY AT THE WORLD since this all began last Wednesday. I’m not sure if I can deal with him HATING me anymore. I’m worried about the access he has to my cereal while I’m at work – and I don’t want to find any special sauce in there, if you know what I mean. So I’m wimping out and looking for alternatives. Any suggestions?


Magic Salad

This one is just for Tessie, though it’s not entertaining in the least. In! The! Least! The magic salad came into my life about 4 months ago, when I couldn’t stand the thought of eating much of ANYTHING. One day I stumbled upon the concoction of romaine lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, red peppers, a few slices of hardboiled egg, sunflower seeds, and one of various dressings – ranch, Italian, or balsamic. Not very imaginative, but I also know I can’t deviate from this recipe. If I add chunks of turkey, it is no longer the Magic Salad. And the Magic Salad is a cure-all for me. When everything else seems Yuck, the Magic Salad does the job. Fantastic.


Naming the Bean

I just know I'm reopening a weird topic here, but we’re still working on a name for this kid. We've got it down to two options, and that's where it ends. When I last brought up the Name Game, I floated the idea that I was going to answer the helpful HAVE YOU CHOSEN A NAME? question with something along the lines of “We’re not sure yet.” Swistle wisely suggested that doing so would have people thinking we’re idiots – WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN’T THINK OF A NAME FOR YOUR FUTURE CHILD? I’m happy to report that this is EXACTLY what’s been happening. I’m just trying to spare you other ladies from the humiliation – don’t use the “we haven’t come up with one yet” as a way to get out of answering the question. People really do think you’re totally inept. And then they go on to suggest a million names you could name your kid. Which – how do you respond to the suggestions, “thanks”? “we’ll give that one a try”? “yes, that’s nice, but we aren’t particular fans of naming our kid after poultry”? Instead, Swistle suggested that we use, “We’re keeping it a surprise.” Which is also wise, because people don’t respond well to “We’re not telling anyone.” Even though you say that, what they hear is this: “We’re not telling YOU. We’re telling everyone else, just not YOU. Because we don’t like YOU.” It’s like Swistle has done this before, or something.

This week: THE EPIC SEARCH FOR A CAR SEAT. Do you think I can practice by strapping Spockgus in there and feeding him his Cat-Lax?