i am a slacker - let me count the ways

I have had an extremely large bottle of Donna Karen Cashmere Mist body wash sitting on the backseat of my car since early July. I bought it to send to my mom– who loves the stuff. I meant to buy the lotion, but got the body wash instead. I also meant to go back and exchange the one for the other, and then send the package to my mom. SINCE JULY. Odds that this task will be completed in the next four weeks, even in part: 1 in 10.

There is a very ungainly wad of mail that I’ve been carrying around in my insanely huge handbag – mostly bills to pay, things to do. While this wad of mail is not the exact same wad of mail from last month (because if I’m anal about one thing, it’s paying bills on time) – this wad of mail is still of similar size and girth as the last wad of mail. Why don’t I just pay the bills? Why carry them around in my handbag? Because you never know when you’re going to have a minute to balance your checkbook and pay some bills. Like while you’re sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for your husband. Odds that this task will be completed in the next 24 hours: 1 in 5.

Chip last night: "Do you know where my watch is? Not my new watch, but the old one?"
Me: "You mean the one you gave to me 4 months ago, asking me if I could drop it off to be repaired? The watch that is still sitting in my desk drawer at work?"
Odds that the watch will be repaired before Christmas: 1 in 20.

There is a wonderfully glossy stretch of black and white ultrasound pictures that are tacked to our ‘fridge. The same photos that I was going to email my mother-in-law two weeks ago. The same photos that I was going to post on here two weeks ago. Odds that the pictures will be posted before The Bean is in college: 1 in 5.

I like to believe that the cats are treating themselves to a newfangled therapeutic acupuncture when they crawl behind our dining room curtains and get stabbed by the little pins that are tacking up the hem. They have been imbibing in this particular brand of torture since June. Odds that the curtains will be hemmed before Thanksgiving: 1 in 20.

My poor naïve sister called me in August, asking if I could look for some size 8 rain boots for my nephew. He wanted to be a fireman for Halloween and wouldn’t some little boots just be perfect?! Because they live in Southern California, she didn’t think she had much of a chance to find rain boots – but Wonderful Auntie Whimsy could surely find the perfect thing in rainy Seattle! Odds that boots will be purchased before NEXT Halloween: 1 in 20.

Chip and I take turns picking the movies on Netflix. In the time it’s taken him to watch and return about 1 bajillion different movies that I’d never in my wildest dreams care to watch (Howard Hughes’ masterpiece Hell’s Angels, anyone?), I’m still sitting on the movie I ordered and received. In September. Odds that I will watch and return it before January: 1 in 10.

Sadly, there are more I could add to this list, but I do have some pride. I think it's sitting in a bag somewhere behind the passenger seat of my car.