Tuesday, November 13, 2007

we'll see where this leads

Picking up from yesterday... I rode the early bus home on Friday because I needed to meet up with Chip for a visit to the flooring store before it closed at 7pm. And so begins the next chapter in Life of Whimsy, “Remodeling Project While Six Month’s Pregnant? Why Not?” also called, “Urrrr – So We’re Doing This Thing”

Lesson #4,301 from The Book of Pregnancy - When It Happens to You: It doesn’t matter how many times you hear of pregnant women embarking on some home improvement project, and the heinousness thereof. You may say to yourself, “I think I’ll pass. I can’t imagine going through pregnancy AND a remodel project.” All learnings are tossed out the window when you, yourself, are pregnant. Suddenly you will find yourself faced with some Unsatisfactory Condition of your abode and you will inexplicably warm up to the idea of a remodel project. Either that, or your husband will. And there is NO GOING BACK.

See, we'd been talking about the downstairs carpet and its hideousness for quite a while. We cleaned the carpets before we moved in, and things seemed okay – except for the dining room… where there was a Phantom Smell. I think I’ll forgo describing the Phantom Smell any further than Eau de Wet Dog and Cat Urine. It was nasty. I scrubbed the carpet. Chip scrubbed the carpet. We got the carpet professionally cleaned. The vague smell lingered. We brought in a black light (shudder) to see what we were missing. Don’t do it. What you find will haunt your dreams. It will fill your mind with unspeakable images. You will never be able to sit on that carpet again. And your husband, with the germ issues, will turn a very vivid shade of green every time you talk about the odds of your new baby coming into contact with the carpet.

This summer, as I was happily painting every surface in the house, we gouged the crud out of our vinyl kitchen floor moving the refrigerator. Now we were facing putting hardwood floors not only in the dining room, but the kitchen as well. And being who I am, I kept thinking about it – finally deciding that if we were going to do it in two rooms, it would probably be best to just put it in the entire downstairs. Doesn't this sound like a FINE IDEA? MADE EVEN MORE FINE BY MY INCREASING GIRTH AND SIZE - AND I COULD SQUISH YOU LIKE A BUG IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME.

So the whole plan seemed like a pretty good idea. I thought it was something akin to returning the Donna Karen Cashmere Mist body wash. Something we’d do… at some point in time… in the future... in the mythical month called Novmarpril. But Chip has been busy! He has been requesting floor samples! He has been investigating and researching companies! Around about Tuesday, he was aware of some mad sale going on at a flooring store nearby – a sale that ended Friday, of course. I figured we’d go by, we’d look, we’d hmmmm our way through and decide another day. NOT SO.

For better of for worse, we found something we love. Absolutely, incredibly, can't-live-without-it LOVE. The quick and dirty drive-by-the-flooring-place visit on Friday night was 2 hours long.

In the midst of it, we went next door to the Mexican taco joint to get some dinner. We are all well aware of my issue with beans. Chip offered, as he opened the door, “If this is too much for you, say the word, and we’re outta here.” I felt pretty strong, pretty good, and VERY HUNGRY – so in we went. Food smelled delicious (onions & peppers & other lovely things drowning out the smell of BEANS). We each ordered some homemade tacos to go, carrying them back to the flooring place in anticipation. Closing time had come and gone by this time – and we were the lone customers in the store with our salesperson. He was busily crunching numbers on his computer, so we hunkered down on a nearby pallet and started eating. By some cosmic law, the following things happened at EXACTLY THE SAME MOMENT:
- I opened my Styrofoam food container and received the largest blast of foully sweet cilantro-taint smell known to MAN.
- Chip started to actually EAT his cilantro-infused tacos with gusto, sending yet more meaty cilantro air my way.
- The salesperson dropped The Final Price Bomb.
- My stomach, my gag reflex, and the Bean combined efforts (like the Wondertwins!) to let me know that NO - THIS DINNER IS NOT, IN FACT, OKAY. IT SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS IF YOU TREASURE YOUR LIFE.

I stood up. I tried to shake it off. I kept repeating over and over - I can’t eat this, I can’t eat this, I can’t eat this, I can’t eat this as the salesperson just kinda stared at me. As I started to pace and try to get myself under control, Chip jumped in, understanding what was going on, and promptly shut the dinners into their Styrofoam containers and tied them in not one, not two, but THREE plastic sacks (going back next door to get them – sweet guy).

My bad food smell reaction and consequent near panic attack notwithstanding, I’m totally excited. I know it’s going to look great. The flooring we chose is absolutely beautiful. And we price-compared at other places the next day, thus boosting our confidence that indeed, we got a killer deal, thanks to Chip's mad research skillz.

Now there's just the teeny-tiny problem of the fact that the floor that we LOVE isn’t available in click-down, and we have cement sub-floors. Do you know what this means? They have to glue it. And this is my favorite part coming up: ALL LIVING CREATURES (INCLUDING THE 4-LEGGED VARIETY) HAVE TO VACATE THE PREMISES FOR AT LEAST 2 DAYS. Because the glue is all toxic-like.

Um, have you ever moved a cat? It’s not a pretty picture. They kinda wig out. The last time we moved the cats, Fergus hid underneath our bathroom sink for 14 hours. And Phoebe went on some mad radar mission, pinging the crud out of the entire house, using some meow that is best heard by tiny little dogs and people about 30 miles away. It was harsh. And it went on for HOURS.

So, to review:
Excited about the pretty, pretty floors!
Not so excited about spending 2+ days in a hotel room with two very neurotic cats.

1 comment:

ailene said...

I hope your new floors look great! Perhaps if you give the cats that nasty catnip thing when you get back home, they won't be so freakish about having left for awhile...