Thursday, April 23, 2009

whimsy and the man in the green shirt: a story

See Whimsy. Whimsy is at the Phoenix Airport on Wednesday afternoon. Whimsy and Alice are waiting for a plane. See them wait. Wait, Whimsy, wait. Whimsy is hungry. Look! There is a WENDY'S down the lane. Whimsy would like to eat a hamburger. Whimsy and Alice walk to WENDY'S. See Whimsy push Alice in her stroller. Look! There is a line at WENDY'S. Whimsy and Alice wait in line. Wait, Whimsy, wait.

See Whimsy order a hamburger from register number two. See Whimsy get her receipt and her number. Number 49, Whimsy, number 49. See the man in the green-shirt. He is standing at register number one. Green-shirt man finishes his order at the same time as Whimsy. See green-shirt man turn in front of Whimsy and swing his extremely over-sized laptop bag in front of Alice's stroller. See Whimsy pull the stroller back just enough so that the ridiculously heavy laptop bag does not bean Alice in the head. See Whimsy gasp. Gasp, Whimsy, gasp.

See Whimsy catch the eye of green-shirt man and say in her most polite tone, "Excuse me."
Green-shirt man says, "What?"
See Whimsy respond. "You almost hit my baby in the head with your bag."
See green-shirt man get irritated. See green-shirt man raise his voice to say, "I DIDN'T HIT YOUR BABY. IT'S YOUR FAULT. WHY WERE YOU PUTTING YOUR STROLLER SO CLOSE TO ME?!"
See Whimsy stutter. Stutter, Whimsy, stutter. "I know you didn't hit her, I said excuse me because you almost hit her. I wasn't putting my stroller too close to you, I was just waiting for you to go so we could get out of line."
See green-shirt man get even more irritated. See green-shirt man raise his voice even more. "YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME TOO CLOSE!!!"
See Whimsy start to lose her composure with all this public yelling. Whimsy tries to smile and calm the man down. Whimsy says, "I just want to be able to get passed you, please. I'm just trying to get out of the way."
See the irate green-shirt man. See the green-shirt man stand right in front of Whimsy so she cannot pass him. See green-shirt yell, "WELL YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT LONGER, AREN'T YOU." See green-shirt man make terrible mocking smile back at Whimsy. Mock, green-shirt man, mock.

See Whimsy wait for green-shirt man. Wait, Whimsy, wait. See green-shirt man blocking the line for no purpose whatsoever other than to humiliate Whimsy. See green-shirt man stand and turn around in a little circle, all so Whimsy cannot go anywhere.

Look! Whimsy's face is red! See Whimsy continue to wait for green-shirt man to move. Finally, see green-shirt man move. See Whimsy try to push herself into a corner to wait for her number to be called. Look! White tanktop lady comes over to Whimsy. See tanktop lady say to Whimsy, "I saw what happened. Are you okay?" Whimsy is speechless. Whimsy cannot say anything. See Whimsy nod and whisper, "I'm okay. Thank you." Look! This act of kindness has totally undone Whimsy. See Whimsy cry. Cry, Whimsy, cry.

Look! Whimsy is furiously wiping tears from her face. Whimsy feels ridiculous and scared and stupid and is already thinking things that she should have said to green-shirt man. Look! Green-shirt man is sitting just right there, with a lady. Feel sorry for the lady. Poor, poor lady.

"Number 49!" Listen! The WENDY'S worker has called Whimsy's number. Whimsy is overjoyed to get her hamburger and escape. See Whimsy grab her sad WENDY'S bag. See Whimsy turn to head back to her gate. See white tanktop lady and a blue-shirt lady come over to Whimsy. Look! They are very sympathetic. They both feel very horrible for Whimsy. See them ask Whimsy if she is okay. See Whimsy nod and cry. Nod, Whimsy, nod. Cry, Whimsy, cry. Whimsy says that she just wants to get out of there. See Whimsy walk away.

Look! White tanktop lady and blue-shirt lady are standing by green-shirt man's table. See them yell at green-shirt man. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!", says white tanktop lady. "ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF? YOU MADE HER CRY!", says blue-shirt lady.

Whimsy is out of earshot before she hears green-shirt's response. Look! Whimsy is at her gate. She sits down to be with Alice. Whimsy kisses Alice's head and tells her everything is okay. See Whimsy sit at the gate, shaking. Shake, Whimsy, shake. Listen! Whimsy's phone is ringing. See Whimsy answer her phone. It is Chip. Chip is calling to say that he's in Phoenix. He is waiting on his plane coming back from a business trip to Albequerque, New Mexico. See Whimsy get excited as Chip explains that he is on flight 950 to Seattle. Whimsy says that SHE'S on flight 950 to Seattle! Look! Whimsy is crying! Cry, Whimsy, cry.

See Whimsy's happy smile as she sits next to Chip on the final plane ride home. Smile, Whimsy, smile.

17 comments:

Shelly Overlook said...

What a jackhole! What kind of man acts like that? Pity his poor wife.

But the gods rewarded your patience for enduring such behavior with a HUSBAND on your flight. Hurray for you and Alice. Hope you're happily home now.

parkingathome said...

You're a better woman than I. I probably would have taken my bag and swung it TOO CLOSE to his face so he got out of the damn way. People in airports are the worst sort of people.

M said...

I'm with Parking at Home--I would have pulled out Playground M and kicked him in the shins but then...

YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE BABY.

I can't BELIEVE that there are people who act like that! And I am a hardened cynic! I kind of wish Chip had found him...I might sit here imagining violent scenarios that involve Chip beating the CRAP out of him while mocking him simultaneously. Chip's a pretty good multitasker, I bet he's up to it...

Fiona Picklebottom said...

What an ASS! What is he, a 10-yr-old bully? I think I would have rammed him in the shin with the stroller (assuming you could do so without hurting the baby), and said, "Oh, I'm TERRIBLY sorry, I guess you were right, I WAS following you too closely." OR, I would have done exactly what you did, because that's how I roll.

Chelle said...

(By the way, I've been anxiously waiting for this story since you scooped it during your mid-travel postings!)

OK - what a horrid, nasty man.

I was totally thinking of the "oops, I'm so sorry that my stroller accidentally rammed you in the shins - then smile" strategy. But then again, that's just me. You are much nicer.

Alice said...

ohhhh this makes me so angry / upset for you. because i would have done the EXACT same thing, right down to crying as soon as someone was nice to me. i wish i had been there so i could have told the guy off for you as well. i'm WAY better at sticking up for other people.

angelalois said...

WHOA.

Kristi said...

what an asshat.

KAY said...

As I was reading, I was overcome with an urge to kick Mr. Green Shirt in the shins... Kick, Whimsy, Kick!

Loved the happy ending!

stacie d said...

YAY for our hero, Chip!! He saved the day!

Kristen said...

WHAT A JERK! An awesome ending though, meeting up with your hero & flying off into the sunset. That's karma. And green-shirt man had better watch out, because its headed his way...

Pickles and Dimes said...

Green Shirt is a douche. I would've reacted exactly the same way; I always cry when people are nice to me after something bad happens. Kudos to the two women sticking up for you.

I'd like to say I would've kicked that guy's ass, but it's probably not true.

Yay for Chip getting on the same flight - awesome!

wandering nana said...

It is so sad that stupid people can have such an affect(or is it effect) on us. I have to tell you, that if I had been a witness to this I would have thought "Does that man in the green shirt realize what a "Jerk"(nice word) he is being?" I'm sorry there weren't more nice people like the 2 ladies around and that somebody didn't stop it before he got you upset. I'm glad you got to ride home with Chip.

Amy said...

What the hell is wrong with people? What a total jerk. I'm happy those ladies were there and I'm even happier that you had a happy ending to your trip.

Eleanor Q. said...

What a horrible person Green Shirt Man is! But what a happy ending that you and Chip were on the same flight home- that would have totally made my day after having something nasty happen.

Swistle said...

I feel like doing some injury.

Kathy said...

Thank goodness for flight 950 - gotta be grateful for those tender mercies!