Tuesday, July 14, 2009

the eyes have it

It turns out that there is a whole WORLD of things that happen after Alice goes to bed at night. I used to wonder that, myself, as a little girl. When I retired to bed at my TOTALLY UNFAIR AND WAY EARLY bedtime of 8:30 pm (leaving my older brother and sister to watch the end of Love Boat on Saturday night - and then, AND THEN, they even got to watch Fantasy Island which I was never able to see, unless of course there was a cross-over episode between LB and FI, which did happen a few times and why is it that I even REMEMBER this stuff? I don't know. I just don't know. What I do know is that I had some kind of weird crush on Gopher, the goofy guy who was a, what was that? Purser?). Anyway. In that span of time when I was asleep and the whole rest of humanity (according to me) was able to amble around aimlessly enjoying the young child-less world, I imagined that there was ice cream. And games. And just a whole bunch of stuff that no one would tell me about but I just knew, I just knew that they were all doing it and I was missing out.

In truth, Alice does miss out on things. Things like the post-bedtime family room clean up (FUN TIMES). And the ever-exciting turning down of the duvet on mama and daddy's bed. And the never-dull chore of watering the lawn. Oh boy, she has no idea of the heart-stopping excitement that she just sleeps through every night!

Last night, however, Alice missed one of my all-time favorite late night activities: the emergency run to Walgreen's (or other suitable pharmacy-type establishment). Chip and I had been hanging out, just chatting about our days - when he starts madly rubbing his eye and then finally goes to the bathroom to see if there was something stuck in there. It turns out... oh the ew. Poor guy must've done something along the lines of TEAR HIS CORNEA because there it was ---- all sort of sad and lumpy on the inside of his eye. Luckily it wasn't hurting him much, but it scared both of us pretty deeply.

Our plan of attack (which is usual for any and all Medical Issues of Unknown Treatment): call the professionals. In this case, The Little Brother (who is a certified EMT and firefighter dude) and Chip's older sister, The Nurse. Both of them verified that it was probably a torn cornea (or whatever that clear covering is on your eye, I wasn't so much interested in the name of things as to find out a way of helping Chip). They said we should get some saline solution in there before letting Chip rest for the night.

Which brings us to the late-night Whimsytrek to the store. I do pretty well keeping a clear head in situations like these, but there was something seriously WRONG with me last night because it took not one, not two, not three, but FOUR, count 'em: FOUR trips in and out of the house to the car and back before I was able to finally pull out of the driveway. Not kidding. First I forgot my wallet. Then I didn't have the key (because I'd brought it inside with me to retrieve the wallet and had promptly left it on the counter). Then I didn't have the right key. Then I didn't have my phone (just in case). By the time I got to Walgreen's, they had closed a mere 3 minutes previously. And no amount of glass-door-knocking-and-pounding was going to do any good (I know, I tried). So then... back to the car and off to my favorite late-night mecca: THE WALMART.

Oh dear. Can someone please explain to me what could possibly inspire a person to take their small toddler-age children grocery shopping at 10:30pm? Because... I just don't understand. When I run into a Walmart at 10:30 in the evening, I kind of expect that most of the people there are on similar errands, the must-buy-saline-solution-for-husband's-oozy-eye-situation-before-he-gets-desperate-and-decides-to-just-rinse-it-with-the-saline-we've-used-for-Alice's-nose-bogeys. (BTW, I explained why this wasn't such a good idea before I left the house, explaining that it's probably best to leave eye-bogeys and nose-bogeys to their own saline bottles, GAPING OPEN WOUND AND ALL.) Anyway, as I'm sure you're all telling me right now as you read this, the Walmart was not, in fact, haven to a few dozen emergency item seekers such as myself. It's sort of... just a usual shopping trip, but intensified, like by ten, with THE LATE NIGHT CRAZY.

I watched some poor man purchase a sauna suit, some chewing tobacco, and several packs of gum (I just didn't want to know). A girl with very red eyes and a puffy just-finished-crying nose yelled at me to go in front of her because CLEARLY SHE WASN'T READY YET (I hesitated because she was also sort of yelling this stuff into the phone glued to her ear, and really? Did you say that to me?). All of this after I had already spent twenty minutes pacing the eye gunk aisle trying to find a basic box of SIMPLE SALINE SOLUTION. With no extra fancy stuff. Someone tell me why they don't just sell that. WHY?

I'll also take this moment to tell you that I am not the best candidate for the emergency drug store run because I come back with fifteen bottles of various items just in case. Last night, I came home with the saline (gigantor size), some spiffy eye-wash kit (just in case), a large bottle of ibuprofen (we were out), and some very handsome eye bandages. Which Chip is rocking, I must say.

His response when he got that bad boy bandage on his eye? ARRRRRRGH.

At least he's got his sense of humor. The dude is off to an eye doctor now, wish us luck and lots more pirate jokes.


Anonymous said...

My parents hated LB & FI, but I was allowed to watch both shows in their bedroom if I was good. I'd get to bring popcorn and sit all by myself watching like a big girl - some of my favorite childhood memories. I'd even pretend to be asleep when FI was over so my dad would carry me to bed.

Hope Chip's eye recovers. Blech - sounds nasty.

Chip said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chip said...

Only thing I remotely remember about LB is being jealous of Gopher when a woman kept him personally captive in her closet? (Still has never left me) And I only remember FI is Ricardo and his little buddy talking back and forth while walking slowly everywhere they went, and about boring things.

What else do Pirates say besides ARRRG? and who decided they always say that?

Last night was amazing! I got to stay home instead of make the midnight emergency run.

Why does everything looks 2 dimensional from 1 eye?

MzEll said...

I hope the eye is much, much better now. My oldest son always says, "I'm missing my TIME!!". Anyway....

What kind of socks do pirates wear? hehe

Sibley Saga .... said...

I personally prefer Pirate comments a la "Jack Sparrow" such as, "Savy?". I say you get lots of brownie points just for working that into any daily conversation in general. It's not a rule, per se, "more like guidelines."

KAY said...

First, Chip, I hope your eye returns to full functioning normal. In the meantime, "Blech, matey!"

Second, the first time I went to the local Walmart in the middle of the night (needed baby wipes or something fantastic like that), the cash registers were down or something so everything was moving really slow. You want to know someone who is impatient in line? The guy in front with cigarettes and a box of stuff-that-prevents- the-need-to-run-out-in-the-middle of-the-night-for-diapers. I remember he was really jittery...